Heart of Bitterness

2011-11-12T16:38:00.005-05:00

Canada is number one?

By the jesus it doesn't happen often but apparently Canada is number one in something-- in this case branding.

Canada rates high in areas like political freedom (4); tolerance (5); stable legal environment (4); freedom of speech (3); environmental friendliness (7). Overall, its quality of life was ranked at 6, although that was down one notch from last year.

In its report, FutureBrand says Canada “continues to be the strongest country brand despite its lack of leading rankings in any one dimension — proving that consistency is more important than specialty focus.’’

...

Canada’s No. 1 brand country rating is also a source of pride considering that many iconic country brands are falling, mirroring socio-political and economic fortunes, like the United Kingdom which ranks 13 (down 4), and the United States comes in at 6, having slipped two spots from last year.

2011-10-28T16:46:00.005-04:00

New EPL favourite: Mario Balotelli

Joining previous nominees Craig Bellamy and Joey Barton, Mario Balotelli is now my favourite EPL player.

Why? Because he is interesting, that's why.

The Manchester City forward's antics have been rewarded with a new song by the fans, replicated here (courtesy of the Guardian Sportsblog):

Oh Balotelli he's a striker…
He's good at darts/
He's allergic to grass but when he plays/ He's fucking class.
Drives round Moss Side/ with a wallet full of cash
Can't put on his vest/ But when he does he is the best
Goes into schools/ Tells teachers all the rules
Sets fire to his gaff/ With rockets from his bath
Doesn't give a fuck/ Cos he did it for a laugh
Runs back to his house/ For a suitcase full of cash
Oh Balotelli …

Lastly, it is important to note that Mario has a lovely smile when someone finally gets one out of him.

2011-09-13T11:22:00.010-04:00

Newest find: Jonathan Richman

Lately, I have been listening to Beat Surrender on BBC Newcastle. They play mostly British artistes, with the odd American thrown in.

The particular Odd American I am writing about today is Jonathan Richman, who first had a hit in 1975 with Road Runner.

He seems to be a contemporary of Tom Waites with a similar sense of humour (titles of his albums include things like I, Jonathan, Jonathan Sings!, and Having a Party with Jonathan Richman) but more of an ear for a tune.

Fun fact: Jonathan played the singing narrator in the cinematic tour-de-force Something About Mary.

Here are links to mp3s of a few examples of Jonathan's œuvre:

Road Runner

Parties in the USA

2011-08-24T09:38:00.005-04:00

Pop song of the summer

Last year, We No Speak Americano was the viral hit of the summer.

This time it's PONPONPON, preformed by Kyary Pamyu Pamyu.

To quote Sarah Proud and Tall:

I can’t stop watching. It’s like eating marshmallow while bathing in fairy floss inside a sugar house that David Lynch built inside John Waters brain.

Watch it on YouTube.

2011-08-22T11:11:00.004-04:00

Why does it seem like it's always the good ones that go first?

J-Lay died of cancer today at age 61. As an example of how unfair life is, consider that Stephen Harper will probably live to be 100.

2011-08-05T15:56:00.003-04:00

2011-12 EPL predictions
I was waiting for the Charity Shield before publishing my prediction, since I wasn't sure about whether to pick Man City or Man U. as the winners.

I have decided on Man City. This might seem counter-intuitive, since Man U. won the game. However, this game gave me my first look at the new Man U. goalie, David De Gea, and he looked like Ben Foster all over again.

Other controversial picks would be Arsenal out of the top four, and Liverpool placing third, above Chelsea:

Manchester City
Manchester United
Liverpool
Chelsea
Arsenal
Tottenham
.
.
.
Wigan
Swansea
Blackburn

2011-08-05T09:53:00.003-04:00

This sign was posted this week inside the entrance to Metro Hall. Ah, the City. They are probably being optimistic, though, if they think it is only going to take 2 years to fix those elevators.

2011-07-21T14:50:00.008-04:00

Meet the new Toronto - Federal Election Results 2011

Click on the image above for results by polling station, colour-coordinated by party (Liberal red, Conservative blue, NDP orange).

Please note that I have thoughtfully added the riding names to the larger image.

Stolen from impolitical.

2011-06-22T08:58:00.004-04:00

Socialist Realism
From GABLE

2011-06-20T11:20:00.005-04:00

Kinsella blames Ignatieff

Trouble-maker Warren Kinsella pinpoints Michael Ignatieff's reluctance to distance himself from his former pro-war, pro-torture views as the biggest reason for the Liberal collapse in the last election:

Davey — the son of the legendary Grit rainmaker, Keith Davey, and a friend who had brought me to Ottawa to run the Liberal war room — thought an election fought on extending the war could end badly for the Conservatives. Even better, it would banish a few ghosts for the Liberals. Ignatieff had secured the leadership months earlier, and was still dogged by concerns from the party’s left wing. In his writing and media appearances, the former Harvard professor had been an enthusiastic proponent of the war in Iraq, unambiguously pro-American and, seemingly, an advocate of “coercive interrogation” with terror suspects. His position had put him at odds with others in the party. After nearly a decade in Afghanistan, some of us felt we had done our share, with too many Canadian lives lost. We thought it was time for other Western nations to step up. In the coming election, Liberals should be the ones favouring an end to the war. Let the Harper regime, with its bellicose military rhetoric and its willingness to give the generals whatever shiny new toy they desired, become the party that favoured war with no end.

“We can banish the pro-American, pro-torture, pro-Iraq war stuff in one move,” I had said to Davey and others in the Office of the Leader of the Opposition. “We’d pick up a ton of NDP and Bloc support. And Harper will be caught in the quagmire like John McCain was. It’s perfect.”

But Ignatieff wouldn’t do it. Not only would he not even discuss the notion, Davey said; he was angry that we had suggested it in the first place. When I asked Davey what he’d said to Ignatieff, he replied, “I told him we just wanted him to, you know, win the fucking election. That’s all.”

2011-06-15T09:06:00.008-04:00

Having fun at the expense of the British

Dark days around here, what with the Harper Government® now feeling free to implement its agenda of cutting federal jobs by one third while building lots of new prisons and purchasing stealth fighters that might or might not be of use against E.T. invaders.

So to cheer myself up, I have posted the graphic above from somethingawful.

I found myself laughing out loud, and I haven't even finished my first coffee of the day
There is definitely an accretion of humour as one reads through the list, however I particularly liked "A Welsh prat had a wank in me Mini".

2011-03-20T11:37:00.004-04:00

Libya- stupid is as stupid does

Well, they're at it again: the contempible swine (both politicians and media) that make the big decisions for the rest of us in the west have decided that they are backing Libya's eastern tribes in their rebellion against the Quathafi-led western tribes.

Apart from the obvious problems associated with interfering in the internal affairs of a sovereign state, Daniel Larson mentions some of the more practical problems with this most recent example of neo-colonialist behaviour:

Intervening governments that have committed to providing defense for civilian areas in Libya and enforcing a no-fly zone are now stuck with that commitment for the foreseeable future. That could tie up military resources for as long as the conflict continues, and there’s no telling how long that might be. We can expect to see a lot more agitation from hawks here and in Europe that Gaddafi cannot be allowed to remain in power, and they are likely to see Gaddafi’s acceptance of a cease-fire as an unacceptable maneuver to buy time. Interventionists sold a Libyan war primarily on humanitarian grounds (“saving” Benghazi, etc.), but they will not be satisfied at all by a cessation of hostilities.

The more significant problem is that this has set a precedent that the states that were prepared to intervene in Libya will be expected to do the same in many more cases. An arbitrary, rather odd decision to treat the Libyan civil war as the greatest political crisis in the world will create the expectation of foreign support in other internal conflicts. That is likely to encourage rebellions and civil conflict. If a group believes it can win foreign support and political concessions by provoking a sufficiently brutal crackdown, that will make it more likely to rise up against its government, which may lead to humanitarian catastrophes that the “responsibility to protect” is supposed to prevent.

Apparently, the U.S. fired over 110 Tomahawk cruise missles at Libya on Saturday (at 750,000 USD per missle) and lots more ordinance is on the way. Government spending that even the most tea-steeped teabaggers will agree is money well spent.

Further, some thoughts from Stephen M.Walt:

...despite Obama's declaration that he would not send ground troops into Libya -- a statement made to assuage an overcommitted military, reassure a skeptical public, or both -- what is he going to do if the air assault doesn't work? What if Qaddafi hangs tough, which would hardly be surprising given the dearth of attractive alternatives that he's facing? What if his supporters see this as another case of illegitimate Western interferences, and continue to back him? What if he moves forces back into the cities he controls, blends them in with the local population, and dares us to bomb civilians? Will the United States and its allies continue to pummel Libya until he says uncle? Or will Obama and Sarkozy and Cameron then decide that now it's time for special forces, or even ground troops?

2011-03-06T19:03:00.006-05:00

Harper is at it again

A few years ago, I noted that a) Stephen Harper really likes to point at things when he knows he is being photographed, and b) the Harperites will stop at nothing in their quest for a majority government, including modifying the language in a 1984-esque fashion.

Then, it was "Canada's New Government". Now, it is "The Harper Government".

The last time I heard something this ridiculous, it was the decision to name North York's new main square "Mel Lastman Square" after none other than North York's serving mayor, Mel Lastman.

I can just imagine the conversation between Harper and his eager young lickspittles in the PMO:

Lickspittle #1: Every focus group, every survey shows it. The people love a strong leader!

Lickspittle #2: And how better to remind the little people how strong a leader they have than titling all official Canadian communications from "The Harper Government"?

Lickspittle #1: What could *possibly* go wrong? It's a slam dunk!

Harper (visibly pleased): Well, if it is what the people want...

Lickspittles #1 and #2: It is! It is!

Harper: Then who am I to deny them? I reluctantly acquiesce to this dignified piece of nation building...

And the rest is history!

2011-02-14T09:59:00.008-05:00

Fun with Google Maps

The best thing about Street View is that it allows one to take a virtual tour of the neighbourhood of anywhere that one has an address for, limited only by the fact that Google has not had time to completely document everywhere on earth (yet).

So attempting to use Street View to look around Cochin, Kerala, for example, will result in a bunch of dots linking to photos (see below) rather than the continuous highlights of an area that has been documented by the Google car.

I am sure Google will get to these places eventually. In the meantime, I am able to wander the streets of Heidelberg, Germany (where a friend and his family were staying for a month), or tour the neighbourhood of my childhood home in Guelph, Ontario.

Here are a few snapshots from my virtual visit to Shankill Road, Belfast, an address that has stuck in my mind since it was a sectarian hotspot before everyone learned to chillax:

Red Hand of Ulster

Rangers Supporters Club

Ulster Volunteer Force

2011-02-11T09:13:00.003-05:00

The Gojira: so cool looking it's not funny

I haven't been paying a lot of attention lately to the colourful antics of the Sea Shepherd Society, but I couldn't help but notice the Cylon-like Sci-Fi lines of their new 'stealth' ship, the Gojira (pictured above.)

From Reality Junkies:

Last season on Whale Wars, The Sea Shepherd crew has introduced a replacement to the Ady Gil in their fight against the Japanese Whalers, this time it’s a beefed up looking version of the Ady Gil called Gojira which translates to Godzilla. Last year, the Ady Gil ended up ripped in half by one of the Japanese whaling vessels which was ruled to be the fault of both the stationary ship and the massive vessel that turned into it. How they got to that decision is beyond me.

Like the Ady, this ship will likely be used to track the factory ship (the ship that kills and packages the whales) which will allow the Sea Shepherd and the Bob Barker to tail it and prevent whales from being transferred to the vessel. Unlike the Ady Gil, this likely won’t be captained by Pete Bethune who was arrested last season for boarding the ship that split his in two.

2011-01-17T10:24:00.004-05:00

Football Fan map for London and environs

Click on the graphic above for a larger view of this London fan map (liberated from Think Big.)

I have altered the graphic a bit, in that I substituted the full names of the various London boroughs instead of their abbreviations.

My first thought? London is a LOT bigger than I thought it was. I thought I had seen the place during a week and a half stay back in the eighties, yet looking at this map I realize that the parts I became familiar with were limited to Camden, Hamlet Towers, and the Cities of London and Westminister.

In fact, I believe that the only time I went south of the river Thames was to visit the Imperial War Museum.

Good times, good times...

2010-12-29T14:21:00.006-05:00

New Fave Premier League player: Joey Barton

Now that Craig Bellamy has exited the English Premier League, I have decided I need a new EPL favourite.

Sure, Mario Balotelli seems to have a lot going for him in the idiotic behaviour department, and Wazza is always good for a laugh, but ultimately I have decided to settle for Joey Barton, currently sporting a 50s-style rock'n'roll hairdo.

Caught in the high-tech graphic above calling Fernando Torres a 'poof', Joey is always up to something interesting!

2010-12-24T09:09:00.003-05:00

Merry Christmas, Deadwood-style.

Via Bronz Age.

2010-12-21T10:18:00.002-05:00

You ask, we search

In 2005-2006, I followed with interest the Hague war crimes trial of Slobodan Milosevic.

It always seemed fishy to me that he was found dead in his cell, mere days before he would have (in all probability) been found not guilty.

Now, the Guardian, one of the media outlets with full access to the Wikileaks cables, has created a page entitled You ask, we search, where readers can suggest subjects for research within the cable database.

Today I posted a request for any information regarding Slobodan Milosevic.

It will be interesting to see if anything comes up!

2010-12-02T12:21:00.006-05:00

Just in- Qatar, World Cup host for 2022

Somehow Qatar, a tiny country bordering on the Red Sea, has landed the 2022 World Cup.

Aside from lots of people pointing out that alcohol is illegal and homosexuality a crime there, the most interesting fact that I have gathered from this is that none of the physical infrastructure exists yet, not even Lusail, one of the host cities.

The graphic at the top of this posting is an artist's conception of what Lusail is going to look like, gleaned from the site Lusail.com. Looks pretty good, eh?

Comparing this picture with images I gathered from google maps, I can't doubt the imagination of the artist. Still, there is something very, very fishy about Qatar's successful bid.

2010-10-28T08:55:00.003-04:00

"Boat People" by GABLE.

2010-09-24T09:05:00.004-04:00

Our Man at the UN

It makes one pround to be a Canadian, n'est-ce pas? (From Susan Delacourt).

2010-09-16T09:36:00.007-04:00

Think Fast!

A useful mental exercise, liberated from the daily what.

I, too, am boned - at home I found myself armed with a running shoe, at work a plastic water bottle.

2010-08-28T00:09:00.008-04:00

Newport State of Mind

The interweb has been all abuzz over "Newport State of Mind", a Welsh spoof of the Video for "Empire State of Mind" by Jay-Z and Alicia Keyes.

It is my opinion that, like most Weird Al videos, this version is a lot better than the original. I mean, I know very little about Jay-Z but his rapping is very weak in "Empire State of Mind", while both the singers in "Newport State of Mind" are great.

And the lyrics are funny. Click on the header and give it a go.

2010-08-11T09:28:00.006-04:00

English Premier League Predictions 2010-2011

Despite not making the most astute of predictions last year (basically missing the fall of Liverpool and the rise of Tottenham although I got the relegated teams right), I thought I would make another attempt at predicting the top and bottom teams of the EPL 2010-2011.

This season is tough- I have chosen Chelsea to win, yet their performance during this year's Community Shield against Manchester United was anything but reassuring.

Richard Caravalho is gone, John Terry *sucked*, and I suspect this is going to be the year that Terry finally has that big mental breakdown I, for one, have been anticipating for some time.

The other top prospects have their problems as well:

Man United seem just shadows of their former selves with Rio Ferdinand surely on his last legs and no plausible replacement on the horizon. Much has been made of new signing Javier Hernández but I can confidently predict that Hernández will play more like Berbatov than Rooney (who incidentally is in the middle of a huge slump).

Man City have signed so many players, players like Craig Bellamy and Robinho might not even make the 25-man registered team. While Man City will definitely be fascinating to watch, it remains to be seen whether any manager, let alone Roberto Mancini, will be able to form a coherent team from this huge group of prima donnas.

Arsenal might be able to go to the top this year, but I doubt it. Their team is mostly composed of Hernández-type tinkerbells and they have yet to sign a good goalie.

This season is, realistically, wide open since none of these teams are obvious favourites as the season begins.

1. Chelsea
2. Man City
3. Arsenal
4. Man United
5. Liverpool
.
.
.
18. West Ham
19. West Bromich Albion
20. Blackpool

2010-08-11T09:22:00.003-04:00

A funny photo from Comic-Con 2010

Stolen from Bronz Age.

2010-06-17T13:44:00.021-04:00

It's kicking off!

Word on the street (actually, in the change room of the Sheraton Hotel Fitness Club this lunchtime) is that the authorities expect disruptions from communists, deadbeats, tattoo-artists and other non-conformists in downtown Toronto starting next Monday, a full 5 days before the actual G20 Summit officially takes place.

I dismissed this as nothing more than rumour yet, when I got back to the office, I found a City email entitled "G20 - Toronto: Message from City Manager Joe Pennachetti" awaiting me.

Obviously, the City is preparing for the worst. The high points are:

You are expected to report for your scheduled hours of work as assigned during both the week leading up to the Summit and during the Summit.

In doing so, do not take actions that would jeopardize your personal safety.
Review all circumstances (such as the extent of crowding, the activities of demonstrators) in determining whether further direction from your supervisor/manager is needed.
If reporting to work in Metro Hall or other work locations adjacent to the Summit venue, give yourself extra time to get into your workplace.
Carry your City and personal identification at all times, as they may be required in order to gain access to your work location.
It is recommended that you dress casually in the downtown core.
Remember that the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms guarantees freedom of opinion, expression and peaceful assembly. However, demonstrators cannot lawfully destroy property or engage in other illegal conduct. It is highly recommended that you not engage in discussions or disagreements with demonstrators.

My favourite bit is "It is recommended that you dress casually in the downtown core".

Obviously, the City believes the protesters are adherents of the philosophy "suits versus dungarees" first espoused by Herb Tarlek, circa 1980:

HERB TARLEK:
The whole world is in revolution. And not just here, but everywhere. And you know who's at war? It's The Dungarees v. The Suits. The whole world is in two armed camps. Over here you have The Dungarees and over here The Suits.

Remember the rise in the 50s? It was The Dungarees v. The Suits. And then Watergate. Those guys arrested were wearing dungarees and who suffered for it?

LES NESSMAN:
The Suits.

HERB TARLEK:
Exactly.

LES NESSMAN:
There are issues Herb.

HERB TARLEK:
The issues, Les, are a smokescreen.

Now listen. When a son disobeys his father, what's he wearing?

LES NESSMAN:
The son? um... dungarees!

HERB TARLEK:
And what's the father got on?

LES NESSMAN:
Probably a suit!

HERB TARLEK:
You see what I mean Les? And you know what's worse? The fathers are beginning to wear dungarees too!

LES NESSMAN:
That's right!

HERB TARLEK:
So are the mothers!

LES NESSMAN:
It's just like the Body Snatchers!

Even in times of tribulation, like this, I can rely on Herb and Les to give me a laugh.

Bring it on, outside agitators and their sheep-like followers! We casually dressed City minions intend on providing the full gamut of municipal services next week, regardless of any potential danger from the forces of entropy.

Also, it should be noted that, as unionised hourly wage earners, we don't get paid if we don't show up for work.

2010-06-14T08:40:00.001-04:00

Huzzah! By GABLE.

2010-06-02T10:09:00.024-04:00

Fearless World Cup 2010 Predictions

I think I can safely predict that lots of very interesting things will be happening in South Africa this June/July. Unfortunately, I expect most of them will probably be taking place off the pitch.

This time around I am sure that my predictions will be a little more à point since I have harnessed a powerful new predictive tool: Panini's Official World Cup 2010 Sticker Book. Once I have collected all the stickers, this will allow me to make a thorough assessment of how good a team is going to be, based on whether they look like they are good in their profile photos.

Group A - who the frack knows?
This should be an easy group for France, but their recent poor record under Raymond Domenech (who already has a successor lined up) and indications of an unsettled squad (eg. Wll.i.am Gallas is sulking because Patrice Evra was made Captain) means that France will have trouble getting out of the group stage.

For the rest of them I choose South Africa to come in second in the group because AFAIK no host country has been eliminated in the group stages. And the winner?

The team I pick to win the group is Uruguay because they did very well in the qualification phases, and more importantly have a festive flag. Compare their happy sun with Argentina's pouting sun and you will see what I mean:

Finally, I can't take Mexico seriously, as their 2 top forwards' (Giovani Dos Santos and Carlos Vela) preformances for me in World Soccer Manager 2010 have shown them to be so lazy they could be labelled the Brazilians of Central America.

Group B
This one looks easier to predict. Even with the wacky antics of their meatball of a manager, Diego Maradona, Argentina should win the group because a) they have good hardworking players and b) they are really good at cheating (AKA 'diving').

As for second place, this one is a toss up for me between Nigeria and South Korea. (Greece I have discounted out of hand ever since 1992, when I witnessed a physical confrontation between 2 Greek stevedores in the port of Rhodos. Enough said.)

On a man-to-man basis, it is hard to take the shrimps of the Republic of Korea seriously when they are compared to the strapping mandingos of Nigeria. On the other hand, presumably the Koreans are more team-oriented than the Nigerians (they are orientals, after all) and have won twice and drawn once in the 3 times the two teams have met. So second place, South Korea.

Group C
This one should be easy to call. If England don't win this group, they should all be taken out behind the chemical sheds and shot. Since this is the group stage, there are no penalty shoot-outs and thus they have no excuse for losing.

As for the USA-USA-USA, I expect 'Landycakes' Donovan and his band of merrie men to progress to the group of 16 where they will be given a short sharp lesson by Germany.

Algeria I believe can be dismissed because they have only one player in the English Premier League (Nadir Belhadj) while Slovenia I have dismissed as a country ever since they spearheaded the breakup of a once proud country, Yugoslavia.

Group D
Probably no surprises here. Germany are perennials and have done very well in qualification, pointing to them winning the group. For second place, I expect Serbia to narrowly beat Ghana.

This is a sentimental choice for me since Serbia is one of the two European countries in WWII that didn't jump at the chance to massacre their jews, gypsies and other undesirables (Italy was the other). I have nothing against Ghana, it is just that a team can't be made up of 10 mid-fielders and a goalie and expect to win.

As for Australia, I have said in the past what I think of Australians and in my considered opinion, a group of happy monkeys are not going to get out of the group stages, let alone win the World Cup.

Group E
Holland should take this group quite easily due to the weak draw. Denmark let me down once before when I bet on them (1986), and having the likes of Niklas Bendtner playing for them now isn't exactly going to make me change my mind.

For second place, I am going for Cameroon over Japan because their main man, Samuel Eto'o, is the only top African player in the tournament who hasn't been injured in the last month and that must count for something. Plus, I know nothing about Japan besides the fact that Shunsuke Nakamura felt that he is too good for Celtic (he isn't, BTW).

Group F
While I am sure most people predict that Italy will win this group easily, I disagree. Yes, they will weasel their way into the Group of 16 in their usual cheating, whinging fashion but I expect them to do so with a very thin margin for error, finishing second.

As for the rest, I expect Paraguay to win the group by default since New Zealand have a racist nickname (the "All-Whites" !?!) and my Panini stickerbook reveals that the Slovakia team are a bunch of skinheads.

Group G
The 'Group of Death', at least for North Korea and Ivory Coast since Brazil and Portugal are expected to romp through the round.

Brazil are favourites to win the tournament through the efforts of lazy clowns like Robinho and Elano, neither of whom can be bothered to make an effort for the clubs that actually pay them to play. Not all Brazilians are like this, people like Ramires and Thiago Silva consistently make an effort at the club level, yet it seems to be these people that are sidelined when it comes to the national side. Go figure.

Portugal, on the other hand, is expected to go through due solely to the greasy, winking efforts of Christiano Ronaldo, the most despised player on the planet.

Hopefully, Ronaldo will suffer a career-ending injury in his first five minutes on the pitch but even if this happens I expect Portugal to beat North Korea (a totally unknown quality) and Ivory Coast who are missing the googly-eyed scoring specialist Didier Drogba.

Group H
Spain will win this group, of course, since they are one of the favourites with one of the deepest squads in the tournament (a fact which will become increasingly relevant as the month wears on).

I am picking Chile to come in second in this group for a couple of reasons. One, in the sticker album they are a very attractive bunch in a Desi Arnaz, Richard from Lost kind of way. Two, they are the only team in the tournament who are explicitly committed to attacking soccer.

Switzerland? Maybe an outside chance of coming second should Chile falter, but Honduras are really just there as a make-weight, regardless of how many players they have that play at Wigan Athletic.

After the Group Stages
Here is how I see the latter stages working out according to my Group predictions. (Click to see an image that is actually readable):

As you can see, I have made a couple of questionable predictions in the post-group stages. Because I dislike Brazil so much (do you remember that Nike commercial from about 12 years ago when they were kicking balls all over the place waiting in line in an airport?) I decided that they will lose to Holland in the Quarterfinals.

Also, I think that Spain's recent successes are a fluke, rather than the new normal, and that they will revert to their old, bottling ways when they lose to Germany in the Semifinals.

(The tournament graphic is courtesy of ESPN Bracket Predictor where I am a member of the Lawyers, Guns and Money Group, password for joining is "zenon", deadline June 11.)

Update
Since creating the above graphic I bottled it, and chose Germany to beat Holland in the final, rather than vice-versa.

2010-05-28T14:11:00.006-04:00

Separated at birth?

Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper and Kurt from Glee.

I like Kurt more, all things considered.

2010-05-20T19:25:00.031-04:00

Is M.I.A the Anti-Lady GaGa?

Lady GaGa has ridden to fame on the back of songs thematically based on boys, booze, boners and the healing power of dance.

M.I.A's oeuvre, on the other hand, is much darker, with her latest video Born Free proving no exception.

Banned by YouTube, "Born Free" is one of those 'story' videos. In it, USA!-USA!-USA! paramilitary types raid a dilapidated tenement, arrest all the minority members they can find, transport them to a remote location and kill them in classic fascist style.

The big surprise of the video is that, rather than being negroes, homosexuals, or Mexicans, the minorities being ethnically cleansed are redheads (or 'gingers', as they are referred to in the UK).

When I showed the video to one of my friends he roundly ridiculed the video, saying that the idea of 'The Man' one day rounding up all the redheads was totally unrealistic. Man, did he ever miss the point.

Of course it is ridiculous, as well as deeply unsettling. I think the point M.I.A is trying to make is that any minority can be chosen as The Other when a society is looking for scapegoats.

In M.I.A's personal life, her Tamil parents were part of The Other in Sri Lanka, and in the USA today Latin Americans are fast overtaking moslems and gays as The Other.

I must admit, when assembled as a group the redheads had a pretty creepy vibe to them (see screen shot below). I have never seen so many together before. There is even more than in the Scotland football squad!

2010-04-28T10:18:00.003-04:00

Would you invite this alien to your home planet?

Because, according to Stephen Hawking, any successful attempt to contact extra-terrestrial life would probably result in something horrible like humans being farmed out as food, rather than the touching sort of human/alien contact portrayed in movies like Cocoon.

Aliens are out there... and we need to stop trying to talk to them, he says.

"We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn't want to meet," the award-winning British scientist said in the series for the Discovery Channel.

To drive the point home, Hawking argued that aliens visiting Earth would likely be the same as when explorers first arrived in the New World.

"If aliens visit us, the outcome would be much as when Columbus landed in America, which didn't turn out well for the Native Americans," he said.

[snip]

Such advanced aliens would perhaps become nomads, looking to conquer and colonize whatever planets they can reach," he said, arguing that they may have taken to the stars because they depleted resources on their home world.

2010-04-16T15:46:00.011-04:00

Anxiously awaiting the arrival of my mail-order tomahawk, I note that over at macleans.ca there is some speculating going on as to who Scott Feschuk would rather hit over the head with a shovel, Michael Ignatieff or Stephen Harper:

Dear Scott:

If you had to hit either Stephen Harper or Michael Ignatieff with a shovel whom would you choose and why? – Anon Liberal

Anon Liberal –

I think I speak for most people when I say the most important part of hitting someone with a shovel is the element of surprise. That’s one of the two things that make hitting someone with a shovel so satisfying. (The other thing: the hitting-him-with-a-shovel part.)

This leads to the question: If Stephen Harper got hit with a shovel, would anybody be surprised? Maybe for a moment. For a moment, they’d be surprised. But then they’d sit around and say things like, “It was bound to happen eventually” or “You know, I was thinking just the other day that Stephen Harper hadn’t been hit with a shovel lately.” That would ruin the whole experience for me.

While I, for one, consider a tomahawk (or even an Iroquois War Club) a much more versatile tool than a shovel for this sort of task, still I am glad to see that Feschuk has brought the question of Stephen Harper being struck with a blunt instrument into the realm of public discussion.

2010-04-08T14:59:00.008-04:00

If democracy was a popularity contest, Harper would be out and Jean would stay in

On Wednesday Aaron Wherry posted the relative popularity of Canadian public figures, according to long time Conservative pollsters Angus Reid. The results?

Danny Williams 80%
Michäelle Jean 57%
Brad Wall 56%
Jack Layton 32%
Stephen Harper 29%
Greg Selinger 26%
Darrell Dexter 23%
Gordon Campbell 23%
Jean Charest 22%
Dalton McGuinty 21%
Michael Ignatieff 16%
Ed Stelmach 16%
Shawn Graham 15%

2010-03-25T08:23:00.009-04:00

Ann Coulter is back in the news

Apparently 'she' cancelled a speech at the University of Ottawa, but is going ahead with a speech at ground zero for Canadian evil, the University of Calgary.

Is it just me, or is 'she' looking more than ever like an undead transvestite?

2010-03-09T14:28:00.010-05:00

World Corruption Index 2009

An interesting flash application, hosted by Transparency International (their tagline: "The global coalition against corruption").

I was happy to see that Canada is rated* 8.7, the same as Australia, and only slightly lower than the big winners New Zealand(9.4), Denmark(9.3), Sweden (9.2), Switzerland (9.0) and Finland (8.9).

*These ratings are based on "perceptions of corruption", since the concept of corruption is a hard concept to universally qualify.

2010-03-02T13:16:00.021-05:00

Sue Sylvester Quotes

In any good tv show, it is most often the show's antagonist that makes the show riveting.

Think Les and Herb in "WKRP", Frank Burns in "MASH", Alex P. Keaton in "Family Ties", or Archie Bunker in "All in the Family".

On the show Glee, the cheerleading coach Sue Sylvester fills this role wonderfully.

My favourite bits are her "Coach's Corner" appearances on the local TV news. Here are some examples of Sue's televisualised wit and wisdom (mostly stolen from The Life and Logic of Leigh):

Not everyone’s going to have the walnuts to take a pro- littering stance, but I will not rest until every inch of our fair state is covered in garbage. That’s why I pay taxes. It keeps garbage men working. So they can buy tacos. For their families.

*

I hear people say, "That's not how I define marriage". Well, to them I say, "Love knows no bounds." Why can't people marry dogs? I'm certainly not advocating intimacy with your pets. I, for one, think intimacy has no place in marriage. Walked in on my parents once, and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling. So, WOOF! on Prop 15, Ohio.

*

You know, caning has fallen out of fashion in the United States. But ask anyone who safely walked the immaculate sidewalks of Singapore after winning an international cheerleading competition, and they'll tell you one thing: Caning works! And I think it's about time we did a little more of it right here... yes, we cane!

*

I'm tired of hearing people complain: I'm riddled with this disease! I was in that tsunami. To them I say, shake it up a bit, get out of your box! Even if that box happens to be where you're living. I'll often yell at homeless people, "Hey! How's that homelessness working out for ya? Give not being homeless a try, huh?"

2010-02-28T12:19:00.007-05:00

Canada must lose!

As much as it pains me to say it, I believe it is imperative that the Canadian Mens' Hockey team lose in the final to the 'Great Satan' (AKA the 'USA'). Apparently, the more medals Canada wins, the greater the chance the Conservatives will finally get a majority government.

From the Canadian Press:

Almost a year ago, Conservative party strategists were already musing about the political springboard that would be offered if Prime Minister Stephen Harper could only maintain his minority government until the XXI Winter Olympics in Vancouver.

With the Games all but here, Harper has already sprung into action.

The prime minister was scheduled to be here, there and everywhere in Vancouver on Wednesday, ending the day with a flag-raising ceremony at the athletes village. On Thursday he'll jump to Victoria for the first-ever speech by a prime minister to the B.C. legislature.

And the following evening at B.C. Place Stadium, Harper will help officially open the Games at a glittering ceremony - kicking off 15 days of elite athletic competition and a two-week pas-de-deux between players and politicians of all stripes.

"Faster, Higher, Stronger" may be the Olympic watchwords for the athletes. For those who depend on the voting public for employment, it's all about what pollsters call the "euphoric bounce."

"Contentment, happiness, satisfaction is all the friend of a (political) incumbent," says Allan Gregg, chairman of polling firm Harris-Decima and a former strategist for prime minister Brian Mulroney.

"So the extent to which people believe the economy is going well, or the country is in the right direction, or that they're proud to be a Canadian - all of these ancillary, unconnected political feelings can pour over to support for the status quo."

2010-02-18T11:50:00.007-05:00

How's that hockey book coming along, Stephen?

Via Ian Wherry:

NBC reported today that the Prime Minister is working on a book about hockey. This June, coincidentally, will mark the fifth anniversary of Stephen Harper’s book about hockey. For the record, here’s how the Globe reported the tome into existence on the morning of June 18, 2005.

Conservative Leader Stephen Harper is known for his intellect and policy-wonk ways. However, he is also an armchair sports fan (the Toronto Maple Leafs come to mind) and is planning to publish a book that has nothing to do with politics or policy. Rather, Mr. Harper is penning a tome on the history of professional hockey in Alberta. Harper insiders say that he began researching and writing the book as a hobby but it has become a more serious venture as he acquired more and more information. He is researching it from primary sources, and firsthand accounts dating back to the turn of the last century, says a friend, who is familiar with the progress of the book.

This reminds me of a quote from the Family Guy (alluded to in the title of this posting) where Stewie is taking the piss with Brian about the book he has been supposedly writing for the last few years (stolen from Ink on Paper):

"How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice little story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protagonist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? No, no, you deserve some time off."

2010-02-10T16:27:00.027-05:00

Adam Giambrone displays a startling lack of judgement

Today Adam Giambrone, City Councillor and head of the reviled TTC, withdrew from his bid to be the next Mayor of Toronto.

From the Star:

In a voice shaking with emotion, mayoral candidate Adam Giambrone Tuesday night admitted he had "intimate relations" with other women throughout most of last year.

[snip]

The Star reported Tuesday Giambrone, 32, suggested in a Dec. 27 text message to university student Kristen Lucas, 20, that McQuarrie was in his life for "political" reasons. Lucas, who produced copies of extensive texting with Giambrone, said they had an intimate relationship that began when she was 19 and included sex on a couch in his City Hall office.

Fair play to the lad, of course.

Who wouldn't want to have sex in their office with 19 year old girls, especially on company time?

Very few people, that is who.

Still, the question must be raised concerning Giambrone's choice of people he was sharing bodily fluids with. Kristen Lucas (pictured above), is far from what I fantasise my intern would look like.

Not waif-like enough, if you know what I mean.

Instead, she looks a bit scary. And this is one of the shots she sent out thinking they made her look good.

She had occasional sex with Ad-Gi for a year or so. A week after he declares his campaign for mayor, she reveals she is his love slave, and sends a blogger her portfolio, saying that she wants good photos, rather than the ones that will get on the internet otherwise.

If the photo at the top of this post is any measure, this means that Giambrone, like many powerful (?) men before him, will have sex with anything not their wives.

I admit I stand outside the typical stereotype of a 40-something male but would you, if you were an aspiring politician, choose this person, model, actress, to deposit your sperm into? I would not.

There are a lot of cute 19 year olds out there. Why choose a unattractive gold-digger?

Adam, you never had a chance, because she chose you, the biggest schlemiel I have seen in a long, long time.

2010-01-28T19:42:00.016-05:00

I am developing strong feelings for Craig Bellamy

Misshapen, tattooed freak Craig Bellamy was someone I have discounted since I started following the English Premier League. Besides being short, argumentative, and tattooed (mentioned again, just to make sure the point has been made), Bellamy also runs like a girl.

So, I considered him a worthy target of my spite, even though I freely admit that I don't really know what I am talking about.

This season, however, with Setanta Broadband actually allowing me to see the EPL matches I want to, I have to admit that Bellamy is fantastic. He has been one of Manchester City's brightest lights, showing levels of grit and determination that have made him the de facto City captain with six goals and six assists in the league thus far.

Two incidents this season in particular serve to illustrate Bellamy's spirit:

Last Wednesday, against Man U, he was taking a corner kick when he was struck by a coin thrown by a Man U supporter.

Did he do a 'Christiano Ronaldo' and milk the moment for all he was worth?

No sir, he did not. He stood there dazed for a few moments, rubbing the back of his head, then carried on with the corner kick.

In the second incident, against Bolton, Bellamy was shown a second yellow card for 'simulation' (A.K.A. 'diving', or 'falling down for no real reason').

Now, Craig Bellamy can be fairly accused of a lot of things, the story of his drunkenly attacking a team mate with a golf club being the most interesting incident in a long pattern of unpleasant behaviour, on and off the field, but being a diver? Bellamy would probably be the last person on the planet to demonstrate such effete, Christiano Ronaldo-like behaviour.

As then-Manager Mark Hughes said after Bellamy's sending off:

Craig Bellamy is not going to change. He will moan and groan [on the pitch] but that is part of his make-up. People should know that now and not take offence. We don't. But I have not seen him dive. That is not part of his make-up, he is not a cheat.

Not a cheat, a possible EPL Player of the Year!

2010-01-11T09:54:00.004-05:00

It's as rational as tradition, I suppose

Liberated from Pharyngula. I got Sauron (but was hoping for Cthulhu).

2009-12-29T08:28:00.019-05:00

It's Complicated

Since the beginning of December, I have been forced to use public transit (to read my feelings concerning the Toronto Transit Commission, please click right here).

While the TTC's incompetence, structural fragility, and employees' bad attitudes form the main reasons for my despite, riding in the subway the past few weeks has given me another reason: those ubiquitous posters for the movie It's Complicated, an example of which adorns the heading of this post.

Take a look at it. Take a good, long, hard look at it for oh, say, about 10 minutes.

Because that is what I am forced to do, twice a day for weeks now since the only alternative is to invade other passengers' personal space by staring at them instead.

The poster's key irritants? Obviously, the expressions on the couple's faces: Alex Baldwin's expression implies he is the happiest guy on earth although why this would be remains a mystery.

Bagging a post-menopausal Meryl Streep is hardly something to be cocky about, especially since (according to the IMDB) Streep is playing his ex-wife (therefore, its not like he has never "climbed that mountain" before).

Perhaps a third person (Steve Martin?) is giving him a blowjob under the covers? That would certainly make an interesting 'love triangle'.

Meryl Streep's expression- is she embarrassed? Confused? My guess is that either
a) she has just given the pompous jackass to her left a venereal disease.
b) she is suffering from amnesia, just like Goldie Hawn in the movie Overboard, and has just been forced to service a total stranger (as far as she can tell, anyway).
or
c) she is uneasy, since she is, in fact, slutting around.

Meryl Streep is such a fantastic actor (indeed, James Walcott specifically mentions her pealing laughs), anything is possible. I hope the answer is a), but I suspect the answer is c).

I guess I will have to watch the movie to find out!

2009-12-04T23:16:00.008-05:00

There wasn't any blood

I just caught There Will be Blood, and believe me it is disappointing. No blood.

It wasn't even a good critique of early American capitalism, like Deadwood was.

Ok, there was a brief bit of blood on the floor in the final scene, but that was it.

I don't even recall seeing the famous "I drink your milkshake" scene.

PS I still have that Journey song in my head.

2009-12-03T13:27:00.030-05:00

Glee-ful entertainment the whole family can enjoy

One of the best things about medical marajuana is that it allows one to pleasurably watch the same televisual entertainment more than once, or twice, or even three times.

I only mention this because this morning, the Sheraton Centre elevator was playing Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" (N.B. I had to look it up to find out who the band is).

"So what?", one might reasonably ask oneself.

Well, I had watched the first episode of Glee two nights ago but had totally forgotten that the climax of the episode was a duo rendition of "Don't Stop Believing", and furthermore it had been fantastic!

The one and only reality show I ever watched was "Survivor — Australia", so I have never seen any of the Idol series - American, Canadian, Portugese, Slovenian, or otherwise. I suspect that the sheer energy captured in the performance scenes on "Glee" is the same energy that has made the Idol series so popular over the years.

The song "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey is now stuck in my head, perhaps permanently:

Just a small town girl,
livin' in a lonely worrrrrrrrrld,
She took the late night train going annnnyywhere.

Just a city boy,
born and raised in South Detroiiiiiiiit,
He took the late night train going annnnyywhere.

etc.

I must be in a good mood because I came very very close to bursting into song as I was typing those lyrics...

To see a list of other tunes covered by Glee, click on this link right here.

2009-11-27T08:28:00.013-05:00

Stephen Harper mails a letter

In an effort to make myself post more oftener (sp?), I have decided to rename Fridays as "Foto Fridays". Every "Foto Friday", I plan to post an irritating photo of Stephen Harper.

The photo above, liberated from Rick Mercer is a prime example of a photo so galling it might permanently damage my gall bladder.

One possible explanation for this photo is that a sneaky member of the Papparazzi ambushed Mr. Harper as he innocently attempted to mail a letter. Ever gracious, even when having his privacy invaded, Stephen managed a forced grin for the camera.

The other possibility, which I believe to be the more likely of the two, is that this is yet another in a long, long line of staged photo ops with the PM engaged in everyday, all-Canadian activities such as pointing vaguely across a lake, pretending to listen as a guy points at some trees, or subjecting Nicholas Sarkozy to his corpse-like handshake.

I have built up quite the collection of ridiculous photos of Mr. Harper, and "Foto Friday" will give me the excuse to share them with you, my adoring public.

2009-11-02T10:03:00.003-05:00

"Look on the bright side - how many people can say they had their wedding blown up by the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize?"

From Troubletown.

2009-10-07T13:12:00.019-04:00

McLovin

Last night I finally got the chance to see Superbad, a heart-warming buddy flick starring George-Michael Bluth as Evan and the younger, more irritating dopplegänger of Seth Rogen as Seth.

While George-Michael was good, and the two cop characters were certainly a big addition to the movie, I would have to say that what made the movie a success (the Napoleon Dynamite of 2007) was the supporting character of Fogell, A.K.A. McLovin.

Here is the dialogue for the critical McLovin scene, from the IMDB:

Fogell: Yo guys! Sup?

Seth: Fogell, where have you been, man? You almost gave me a goddamn heart attack. Let me see it. Did you pussy out or what?

Fogell: No noooo, man. I got it; it is flawless. Check it!

Evan: [examining the fake ID] Hawaii. All right, that's good. That's hard to trace, I guess. Wait... you changed your name to... McLovin?

Fogell: Yeah.

Evan: McLovin? What kind of a stupid name is that, Fogell? What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer?

Fogell: Naw, they let you pick any name you want when you get down there.

Seth: And you landed on McLovin...

Fogell: Yeah. It was between that or Muhammed.

Seth: Why the FUCK would it be between THAT or Muhammed? Why don't you just pick a common name like a normal person?

Fogell: Muhammed is the most commonly used name on Earth. Read a fucking book for once.

Evan: Fogell, have you actually ever met anyone named Muhammed?

Fogell: Have YOU actually ever met anyone named McLovin?

Seth: No, that's why you picked a dumb fucking name!

Fogell: Fuck you.

Seth: Gimme that. All right, you look like a future pedophile in this picture, number 1. Number 2: it doesn't even have a first name, it just says "McLovin"!

Evan: What? One name? ONE NAME? Who are you? Seal?

Seth: Fogell, this ID says that you're 25 years old. Why wouldn't you just put 21, man?

Fogell: Seth, Seth, Seth. Listen up, ass-face: every day, hundreds of kids go into the liquor store with fake IDs, and every single one says they're 21. Pssh, how many 21 year olds do you think there are in this town? It's called fucking strategy, all right?

Evan: Stay calm, okay? Let's not lose our heads. It's... it's a fine ID; it'll... it's gonna work. It's passable, okay? This isn't terrible. I mean, it's up to you, Fogell. This guy is either gonna think 'Here's another kid with a fake ID' or 'Here's McLovin, a 25 year-old Hawaiian organ donor'. Okay? So what's it gonna be?

Fogell: [grinning] ... I am McLovin!

Seth: No you're not. No one's McLovin. McLovin's never existed because that's a made up dumb FUCKING FAIRY TALE NAME, YOU FUCK!

The second critical scene for McLovin, A.K.A. Fogell:

Officer Slater: [talking to Fogell with Officer Michaels in the liquor store after a robbery] May we see your identification?

[Fogell uneasily hands over his fake ID]

Officer Slater: McLovin?

[Fogell is really nervous]

Officer Slater: [pauses] That's a cool name.

Fogell: [amazed that his fake ID worked] Wha... wha...

Officer Slater: Yeah, people have weird names nowadays. Once I pulled arrested this man-lady, and his legal first name was "Fuck".

Officer Michaels: He was Vietnamese, so it was spelled "Ph," but still that's pretty jarring to see on a drivers license.

Bonus: make your own McLovin ID!

2009-09-28T00:21:00.011-04:00

When Happy Days jumped the shark

It wasn't when the Fonz literally jumped the shark, it was when Potsy sang the "Pump Your Blood" song which I believe was earlier in the same season.

In this scene, Potsy's final exam, The Fonz shows up to deliver words of wisdom, and to judge. The Fonz might be out of work, or working nights, or possibly he phoned in sick so he could be at Potsy's gig (although I sense The Fonz's employment was of the "no workee, no payee" sort).

Anyhoo, Fonzie shows up. It is like the ending of Bedknobs and Broomsticks!

Fonzie- you have got to stop hanging around so much with these high-school guys!

Courtesy of that bearded, overall-wearing, Bills-supporting weirdo Jaquandor, who, although he doesn't know it, I hold close to my heart.

If Jaquandor can thrive in the Great Satan, there is hope.

2009-09-16T00:20:00.007-04:00

Room Service

By GABLE.

Stolen from the Globe and Mail.

2009-09-10T10:39:00.003-04:00

Why the USA will never implement universal health care

From Lance Mannion:

The business of America is business. We don't make anything anymore. We don't build much of anything and we barely bother to keep what our grandparents built in repair. We grow less and less. We create fewer and fewer better mousetraps. And the only reason we make, build, repair, grow, and create the little that we do is to sell it at the highest possible price. Our economy is based on everybody doing business with one another. It's based on buying and selling. It's based on all of us looking at each other as potential customers, which is to say that it's based on all of us looking to take advantage of each other to make a profit of some kind.

(snip)

You can say that Baucus and the other Blue Dogs have been bought off by the insurance industry. But it's probably more accurate to say that the insurance industry is rewarding them for understanding how things are supposed to work. Whatever the supposed issue Congress seems to be working on, the real job of government is to keep the buying and selling going. Baucus and the Blue Dogs and plenty of the so-called moderates set to bargain the public option away understand that it is in the nation's best interest to ensure that the economy, which is based on everybody being a customer or client first and a voter and a citizen, and a human being, not necessarily last but way down the list, thrives and grows. The way to do this is to make more customers.

(snip)

Nobody expects the army to make a profit or the fire department or the highway department. No sensible person whose heart is in the right place expects our schools to make money. We don't make money off each other by protecting them from our mutual enemies or by saving them from burning buildings or by sending them out to work or to the store on safe, well-kept roads. We don't make money off each other---or shouldn't try to---by teaching each other's kids to read and do math. Why then did those people (us again) think they should make money off of keeping each other alive and well?

And the answer is because our economy is based on our treating each other as customers and commodities not as fellow citizens, not even as fellow human beings. If it fell to us to write the Constitution or re-write it, the preamble would be changed to "We the Consumers of the United States, in order to purchase a more perfect union, pay for the a criminal justice system, buy and sell the weapons and equipment necessary for the common defense, make money off of insuring domestic tranquility, get rich off of promoting the general welfare, and secure for those who can afford the high price we're going to charge the blessings of liberty for themselves and their lazy, arrogant, good for nothing but asserting their own status and special privileges progeny, do agree to this contract, please read the attached terms and conditions and check the box marked 'accept'."

2009-08-13T15:25:00.007-04:00

EPL Predictions

The 2009-2010 season of the English Premier League is about to begin. To see if I have learned anything at all from my countless hours wasted over the past 2 years playing Football Manager, I have decided to accept Paul Wilson's challenge and predict the top five finishers, as well as the 3 teams that will be relegated:

1. Manchester United
2. Chelsea
3. Liverpool
4. Manchester City
5. Arsenal
...
18. Burnley
19. Hull City
20. Portsmouth

There it is, now part of the public record.

2009-08-11T09:12:00.003-04:00

Use a plausible excuse when you call in sick

Very appropriate information, especially for those of us who have a hard time using up all our sick days, banked or otherwise.

Stolen from Wired.

2009-07-07T17:37:00.006-04:00

Day 14 of CUPE local 79 strike: I am starting to get bored...

I really enjoyed the first couple of weeks, since I regarded being on strike as a sort of "unpaid vacation".

Now, however, as we lumber towards the end of the third week, the honeymoon is over. I don't know what it is CUPE leadership are smoking, but I want some of it. Banking sick days instead of having short-term disability insurance is bullshit.

I think it is the 'old guys', that show up for every vote, and have Joe Hill up the wazoo, that have led CUPE 79 to this bad place.

2009-07-07T01:01:00.005-04:00

A YouTube Miscellany

Batman vs. Penguin political debate:

Doogie Howser commercial piss-take:

Christian Bale rant (audio only):

Ouch.

Glasgow: Stop ringing the bus bell:

2009-06-10T12:13:00.005-04:00

John Baird: whatta guy

Just in! The Toronto Star details a typical example of how the Conservatives plan to win over the voters of Ontario:

In an unguarded moment, Baird told aides Toronto stood alone in not meeting the technical criteria for federal cash, yet was complaining about Ottawa dragging its feet.

"Twenty-seven hundred people got it right. They didn't. That is not a partnership and they're bitching at us," he said.

"They should fuck off."

The federal minister overseeing the infrastructure program was overheard by a Star reporter after he mistakenly walked into a media room at the Federation of Canadian Municipalities convention at this British Columbia resort.

When his words were read back to him, he acknowledged his remarks.

2009-05-27T18:41:00.002-04:00

A. Whitley Brown supports the troops

Via Dennis Perrin:

2009-05-27T15:37:00.019-04:00

Using Chemicals to Build a Better Tomorrow

When I used to work for Ciba-Geigy (now Novartis), that was how I would answer my phone if I saw it was my boss calling: "Ciba-Geigy, using chemicals to build a Better Tomorrow". It never failed to "wind him up", as they say.

Anyways, here I am many years later, in day 3 of my own personal experiment in using chemicals to build a better tomorrow.

My family doctor has been pressing me to start taking drugs from the SSRI family of pharmaceuticals (Prozac being the most famous one) for years now, and finally I relented.

Cipralex is one of the newer ones, and my doctor has high hopes that it will "make me into a new man". (What is wrong with the old PALGOLAK, I had to ask myself (rhetorically, of course).)

So here is the thing. The pharmacist had cautioned me that I would be experiencing various side effects for 1-2 weeks before my body adjusted to the SSRI. Side effects listed in the packaging include sweating, dizziness, insomnia, nausea, and severe mental/mood changes (ironically, some of these side effects are the symptoms I was taking the drug to alleviate in the first place).

Last night, about 4 hours after taking my daily 10mg dose, I began experiencing the exact same "side effects" I used to experience 30-60 minutes after eating psilocybin (A.K.A. "Magic") mushrooms: sweaty palms, pins-and-needles, dizziness and especially that semi-nauseous feeling of a sort of weird heat radiating from my stomach.

Well this certainly is odd, I thought. In the old days (many moons ago, I assure you), I regarded that nauseous feeling as the best indication that I had gotten ahold of a potent dose of 'shrooms.

I had a white wine spritzer to celebrate but the next step in the process, hallucinating, never happened. Just as well, I suppose, since here it is the next day in the middle of the afternoon and I am still experiencing the "side effects" mentioned previously.

On a lark, I looked up seratonin (which is what this drug gives the patient more of) in wikipedia ("the best information source in the multiverse™") and I read this:

The psychedelic drugs psilocin/psilocybin, DMT, mescaline, and LSD are agonists primarily at 5-HT2A receptor. The empathogen MDMA (ecstasy) releases serotonin from synaptic vesicles of neurons.

Now I may be misreading this, but from what I can remember of second year BioChemistry, it sounds like Cypralex binds to the same nerve cell receptors (5-HT2A) as such less socially acceptable drugs as LSD, mescaline, Magic Mushrooms, and ecstacy.

How Cypralex cheers people up, apparently, is the same way those other drugs cheer people up- increasing seratonin levels by 'plugging' the receptors that move seratonin into the nerve cells. So AFAICT Cypralex users are on a 24/7 lesser version of an ecstacy high (which is probably why it is recommended to avoid alcohol).

All well and good, you might say, but I wonder what will happen if I decide Cypralex is not for me and stop taking it. I have heard horror stories from co-workers, the worst sounding effect being "brain shivers":

1. Brain shivers are an unpleasant experience. I've heard them described as similar to the feeling of someone vomiting inside of your brain. Some people experience a feeling almost like that of an electric shock, the sense of having hit one's funny bone, or like a strobe light pulsing inside of your head.
2. brain shiversA brain shiver is often followed by a brief but significant sense of vertigo, nausea, disorientation, lightheadedness, and/or ringing in the ears.
3. Brain shivers are brief episodes, usually lasting only several seconds at a time. Although the episodes themselves are brief, the experience of having brain shivers intermittently can last anywhere from several days up to a month.
4. Brain shivers often occur upon either a shifting of one's eyes or any sudden motion of the head.
5. The brain shiver sensation tends to remain primarily in the head but can sometimes begin in the head and radiate downward and outward.
6. Although many doctors are not familiar with this side effect, the clinical terminology used to describe brain shivers includes paresthesia (a fancy word for tingling), electric shock sensations and discontinuation symptoms (a bit of an understatement there, eh?).
7. Brain shivers tend to increase in frequency as the withdrawal time from the antidepressant increases.
8. There is no known danger or consequence of experiencing brain shivers.
9. Brain shivers have also been reported following use of the drugs commonly known as Ecstasy and LSD (which are structurally similar to serotonin).

I have just re-read that article and wonder again whether I have made the right choice. But if I have to go through the "Brain Shivers" anyway, I might as well experience the good stuff first.

Onward to that better tomorrow!

2009-05-19T10:21:00.006-04:00

Does air-conditioning make people vote Republican?

Ted McClelland is a free-lancer who often writes for salon.com.

In an article published last summer, he addressed the question "Does air-conditioning make people vote Republican?"

His answer is yes:

Air conditioning offends my sense of Northern pride. They have a saying in Maine: "If you can't stand the winters, you don't deserve the summers." But the air conditioner allows Arizonans to enjoy a cool, lakelike breeze in the comfort of their living rooms, without ever having to buy snow tires. As one who has seen firsthand how the Sun Belt created a poor Yankee cousin called the Rust Belt, I blame the air conditioner for the decay of Detroit, Cleveland and Buffalo, N.Y. I blame it for the decline of the American labor movement. And I blame it for the election of George W. Bush, as well as the fact that we haven't elected a Yankee president in nearly 50 years. Honestly, I don't want something like that in my house. Especially if I have to pay for it.

-snip-

Here's a little history. In 1924, when my grandmother was born in the small town of St. Petersburg, Fla., the state had 1 million people -- and six electoral votes. It was the least populous Southern state, a marginally habitable peninsula of humid swamps, hard-packed beaches, alligators, rum smugglers and Seminoles. As a girl, my grandmother kept cool by swimming and propping open her windows. As an 84-year-old woman, she lives in the Panhandle and keeps cool with an air conditioner.

"When I was young, I never had air conditioning, so I don't think I missed it," she says. "I went to the beach a lot. I even went on Christmas Day. Now, I couldn't live here without air conditioning. A lot of people tell me they wouldn't live here without air conditioning."

By "a lot of people," she means 15 million. That's how big the state has grown in my grandmother's lifetime. Florida now wields 27 electoral votes. Do some math. A state with six electoral votes is far less likely to screw up a presidential election.

Do a little more math, and you'll see that before air conditioning redistributed the country's population, the Florida recount wouldn't even have been necessary. In the 1940s -- the last decade before the air conditioner became a must-have home appliance -- Al Gore's states contained a decisive 291 electoral votes. As Hofstra professor James Wiley pointed out back in 2004, air conditioning "induced a major population shift within the country that eventually led to the Electoral College defeats of the Democratic presidential candidates in 2000 and 2004." In 2006, an AlterNet story tracked the migration as well.

Without air conditioning, Bush might not even have become a Texan. Right after World War II, his forward-looking father transplanted the Bush family from Connecticut to Texas, a move akin to the Corleones going to Vegas. (I'll bet he bought a window unit for the house in Midland, too.) If Poppy anticipated that air conditioning would swell his adopted state's population and move it into the Republican column, he was right. No state embraced A/C more avidly than Texas. As an official history of the invention put it, "a place like Houston could only be tolerable with air conditioning."

In 1966, Texas became the first state in which half the homes were air-conditioned. That same year, George H.W. Bush was elected to Congress -- from Houston. Coincidence? Or does air conditioning make people vote Republican? After all, the GOP's rise in the South coincides with the region's adoption of air conditioning.

In his essay "The End of the Long Hot Summer: The Air Conditioner and Southern Culture," historian Raymond Arsenault wrote that air conditioning made factory work tolerable in the South, reduced infant mortality, eliminated malaria and allowed developers to build skyscrapers and apartment blocks. Air conditioning industrialized and urbanized Dixie, lifting it out of its post-Civil War funk. No longer a poor, defeated colony, devoted to government aid and hating on Abe Lincoln, the South could fully indulge its conservative leanings.

Thinking outside the box, this Ted McClellan fellow.

By the way, he is also author of the travel book
"The Third Coast: Sailors, Strippers, Fishermen, Folksingers, Long-Haired Ojibway Painters, and God-Save-the-Queen Monarchists of the Great Lakes", which is also quite a 'refreshing' read.

2009-04-03T23:27:00.005-04:00

Ronaldo on his way out

And I couldn't be happier. This greasy, winking, diving disgrace has been a blight on english soccer for far too long.

Hopefully, he will do a "Michael Owen" at Real Madrid, and ultimately be buried in an unmarked grave in a potters' ground, somewhere in Galicia.

2009-03-20T09:17:00.003-04:00

George Galloway banned from entering Canada?

According to the U.K. version of the Sun (and if it is in the Sun, it must be true), U.K. Respect MP and former Celebrity Big Brother contestant "Gorgeous" George Galloway will not be allowed into Canada:

Border security chiefs have declared the Respect MP "inadmissable" because of his views on Afghanistan and the presence of Canadian troops there.

Mr Galloway is due to make a speech in Toronto on March 30, following a US lecture tour, but will be turned away if he tries to enter Canada.

The Canadian High Commission in London was last night contacting the MP’s office to inform him of the decision.

Canadian rules say he will be allowed in only if he has a special permit from immigration minister Jason Kenney.

But Mr Kenney’s spokesman said: “George Galloway is not getting a permit — end of story.

He defends the very terrorists trying to kill Canadian forces in Afghanistan.

In response, Galloway, (who in the past has explicitly not called for the assassination of Tony Blair) issued this statement:

"This decision, gazetted in Rupert Murdoch’s Sun, is a very sad day for the Canada we have known and loved - a bastion of the freedoms that supporters of the occupation of Afghanistan claim to be defending.

"This has further vindicated the anti-war movement’s contention that unjust wars abroad will end up consuming the very liberties that make us who we are.

"This may be a rather desperate election ploy by a conservative government reaching the end of line, or by a minister who has not cottoned on to the fact that the George Bush era is over.

"All right thinking Canadians, whether they agree with me over the wisdom of sending troops to Afghanistan or not, will oppose this outrageous decision.

"On a personal note - for a Scotsman to be barred from Canada is like being told to stay away from the family home.

"This is not something I’m prepared to accept."

2009-03-16T16:09:00.006-04:00

A Pledge

In an effort to make the world a happier place, I pledge that from this day forward I will use the "Comic Sans Serif" font for all electronic communications, be they work-related or otherwise.

2009-03-01T23:13:00.015-05:00

Why we fight

Ok, it is more "Why they fight", given than Canada is (until recently) more inclined to deploy the army against aboriginals, frenchies, or the snow rather than actual foreigners.

Still, this pep talk from a U.S. instructor to a bunch of Iraqi presumptive sepoys approaches satire. It could be a scene from an "Airplane"-level comedy.

Click and watch: (shorter version) you spineless bitches that are willing to take U.S. arms and training, yet seem reluctant to go 200 metres down that road and kick the asses of Iraqis that hate America. Pure fucking cowardice. (Stolen from Dennis Perrin):

2009-02-24T13:34:00.010-05:00

A bit much?

Whilst passing through the CBC building at lunch today, on the hunt for a reasonably priced Bagel and Lox, I couldn't help but notice the towering visage of Rick Mercer dominating the main lobby.

A bit much, surely? He must be very full of himself if he's not embarrassed every time he walks by it...

2009-02-24T11:14:00.020-05:00

Famous author calls for execution of Tony Blair

George Macdonald Fraser isn't dead, after all. Here he is, writing under the nom-de-plume of Harry Hutton at "Chase me, ladies, I'm in the Cavalry" (quoted in its entirety, that is how much I like it):

BLAIR MUST HANG
Interesting piece in The Times about what Bomber Blair is up to these days. As you know, my campaign to have him hanged has yet to bear fruit, though these are early days, and after he resigned as PM he started looking around for new ways of “making the world a better place”.

The UN, the European Union, the United States and Russia appointed him Peace Envoy for the Middle East, and within a few months the locals were tearing each other limb from limb, much as I expected.

How did he do it? “I was on the phone to the Arabs, the Americans and the Israelis and the Americans the whole time,” he explains.

Even by his own standards, he has done a marvellous job as Peace Envoy. Really first-class.

In January 2008, J P Morgan Chase took him on as an advisor, plunging the bank into a crisis from which it may not recover. “Our firm will benefit greatly from his knowledge and experience", they said. Over the next year the share price halved and profits plunged by more than 80%, much as I expected.

Now he’s helping to modernise Rwanda. Woe to that land that appoints Blair to modernise it! His normal way of expressing concern and trying to help is to send the RAF to destroy their infrastructure. I don’t know what precise form the catastrophe in Rwanda will take –could be genocide, could be a plague of frogs- but it will come. And if the Americans ever ask his advice on resolving the financial crisis he may yet succeed in ruining us all.

I honestly believe him to be insane. And the fact that this very dangerous lunatic is still poking his nose into the Middle East shows that Blair remains one of the most serious threats to our national security, and that his arrest and execution should be matters of the highest priority.

Bravo, Harry Hotspur! You are keeping the dream alive. In the past I myself have called for the removal of Tony Blair, by any means necessary. (In retrospect, I prefer the 'tomahawk option', but then again tomahawks are hard to find these days.)

On the other hand, don't forget, my old chum Gorgeous George Galloway explicitly said he did not endorse assassination attempts on Tony Blair. At the time, I thought this a bit 'wet' of him but time seems to have shown his wisdom, at least in this matter.

2009-02-06T13:21:00.012-05:00

Revenge of the Business Nerds

I was at the Sheraton Hotel at lunch today, and found that, once again, it had been over-run by ~~business~~ ~~nerds~~, erm, that is to say, those young over-achievers from DECA Ontario. Dare to Dream!

They all look like Alex P. Keaton clones for a reason. From the 2008 DECA provincials website:

Be sure to be in proper business attire. Full business suit for males with dress socks and dress shoes. Blazer or business suit with dress blouse, or skirt with dress slacks with dress louse or dress sweater or business dress with stockings for females. No skirts shorter than 1/2” above knee. Hair off of face and dress shoes are required as well.

Note: these overly focussed youngsters don't have to carry around briefcases, etc., they do it because they want to.

I even saw one guy, who looked about 14 years old, wearing a yellow and orange bow tie! A bow-tie, for Crom's sake! He looked like Tucker Carlson, but on purpose!

2009-01-28T18:50:00.021-05:00

I hate the fucking TTC

Today was the first day at my new job, based at Metro Hall, and it coincided with yet another epic snowfall, courtesy of that malignant old pisser Wotan. Which led, comme d'habitude, to massive incompetence on the part of the TTC.

Our old friend, the streetcar, is once again to blame. Would someone, anyone!, please explain to me why the TTC continues to run streetcars on 'snow days', A.K.A. when streetcars don't preform for shit, due to being continually blocked by parked vehicles so far away from the curb that streetcars are forced to grind (and I do mean grind)to a halt?

The upshot? I was forced, with one hip already replaced and the other well on its way, to walk the 5 km home over 10 cm of unevenly trampled snow.

I even felt a few new twinges of pain in my unreplaced hip, and was forced to stop half way home for 2 Smithwick's and a plate of bangers, mash, and baked beans. (My restaurant bills are killing me. Killing me! Even the simple peasant fare noted above added another 30$ to my burgeoning credit debt.)

At least this painful and infuriating experience gave me the excuse to start using my Volcano a few hours earlier than usual.

Please, Wotan, either give us a break with the weather or bring on Ragnorak.

I can't take this much longer!

2008-12-31T09:18:00.006-05:00

Christmas sucks

Stolen from Ken Levine.

2008-12-22T23:08:00.006-05:00

Maybe Ignatieff isn't as bad as I thought

Based on his interview on The Hour, with George Stroumboulopolous, I think it can be said that the Iggster has, somehow, somewhere, developed an actual personality! (Alongside his default personality of 'condescending snob', of course.)

Plus, he deals with the question of his early support for the invasion of Iraq, amongst other topics, with enough grace and 'class' that my opinion of Iggy has rocketed from a 2 up to a 7.

Ah, the wonders of media exposure.

Still, early days. It is entirely possible i could regain my old dislike and distrust of Iggy, depending on his actions over the next month.

2008-12-15T23:32:00.002-05:00

A low-tech rendering of Bush's latest adventure

2008-12-04T13:32:00.002-05:00

Leadership skills counselling
from GABLE.

2008-12-02T16:23:00.004-05:00

Rick Mercer- calling them the way he sees them

From last Friday's Globe and Mail:

Here we are faced with a global economic crisis. Nations all over the world are struggling to figure out how to protect their citizens — who are terrified. We've seen unheard of cooperation between political rivals all over the industrialized world.

But not in Canada. Not with Stephen Harper. Not on his watch. No my friends, he has one goal and one goal only and it has nothing to do with governing: how can he use this crisis to destroy the opposition?

And wouldn't you know, he almost did it.

Stephen Harper decided Canada doesn't need a stimulus package; all we needed to do was cancel the subsidy that political parties get.

Which would have saved the government about $26-million. That's about the same amount Harper spends on bodyguards every year when he visits danger zones like Thunder Bay or Nunavut.

But the real upside for Harper, of course, is that the entire opposition would have been crippled or destroyed. It gives me great faith to know that as our economy crumbles Harper is on the case trying to come up with new an innovative ways to cutback the Green Party's office budget and bankrupt the Liberals. And then the world will be a better place.

Maybe he has a point. Maybe that's why Canada keeps refusing to give the man a majority. It's not because he's a mean little man obsessed with revenge, but because we just have too many choices. We go to the voting booth and get confused. Like that first trip to Baskin Robbins.

Maybe we'd all just be better off if Conservative was the only flavour on the menu.

2008-11-29T17:24:00.004-05:00

The Conservatives baked their bread now they can eat it

Snap! For aeons, the Liberals and the NDP have been in an adversarial relationship, fighting for the support of left-leaning voters (who are, in fact, the majority of Canadian voters). Because of this split, the (relatively) newly formed Conservative Party has been able to form 2 consecutive minority governments.

It was a miserable set up, and I had despaired that the Liberals and the NDP would ever be provoked enough to patch up their differences enough that they could form a coalition government. It would take some serious asshole manouvers on the part of the Conservatives for this to happen.

Luckily for us, Stephen Harper is just such an asshole. For the past few weeks, the talk has been all about Harper's new-found maturity and consensus-seeking in the face of Canada's bleak financial prospects.

Hah!

As Jeffery Simpson wrote in Saturday's Globe and Mail:

The miscalculations have been stunning. Mr. Harper's strategy has accomplished already the near-impossible: to bring the Liberals and NDP together.

He had so many other, less partisan options at a time of economic crisis and grave national concern. That he acted in this fashion, at this time, was enormously revealing. And very sad.

2008-11-14T00:57:00.005-05:00

Missions accomplished! From the American Conservative.

2008-11-06T09:03:00.004-05:00

the American empire gets a new set of temporary managers

(This post's title was lifted from Chris Floyd's most recent posting, "WIBDI: A Prism for the New Paradigm".)

Anyone who thinks that Barrack Obama is going to be less of an imperialist punk than John McCain (or for that matter George W. Bush) is seriously deluding themselves.

From Dennis Perrin:

I know all of the arguments and apologia. I see the cultural angle. I recognize the historical element. Still, none of this has swayed me to vote for or otherwise support Obama... I've actually read his proposals, listened to his statements, and separated all that from the soaring rhetoric that sends white libs to the ground, trembling with the holy spirit. Obama promises to be a competent manager of empire, expanding the Terror Wars abroad while fortifying the police state at home. He wants to give tax breaks to those making under $250K? Super. That seems a fair trade-off with shredding more constitutional protections while killing and starving more poor people overseas. Recall his supposed "surrender" on FISA? That was when his presidency was anything but certain, and he sided with the privatized state. What do you think he'll "surrender" next, once he's ensconced in the Oval Office?

2008-11-04T09:38:00.002-05:00

Tuesday links

Test your eyeballing skillz. I got 7.28 (deep in the wrong side of the bell curve).

Economist blogger's Toronto tips for visiting business people. Choice quote:

Understatement and a low-key demeanour are looked upon with favour. You should avoid boasting about past achievements or hyping up a product.

Stretchware- A software application that runs in the background, periodically reminding you to do stop what you are doing and stretch. Suggests which sort of stretch to do. 30 day free trial.

Maps of the most famous trips in history.

A history of the development of the Google logo.

2008-10-27T10:36:00.009-04:00

Ontario to ban cellphone usage while driving

From yesterday's Globe and Mail:

Transport Canada's 2008 report on driver and phone use rates states that 37 per cent of drivers reported using a cellphone while driving and those people had “the most commonly seen unsafe driving behaviours,” such as tailgating or speeding.

Also, the Ontario Medical Association has concluded that driving and talking on a cellphone creates the same risk for the driver as being at the legal limit for alcohol consumption. OMA research, conducted in September, found that talking on cellphones impaired drivers' visual concentration, the speed at which they process information and their reaction time. Some drivers also abandoned checking their mirrors entirely while on the phone.

If one needed proof that banning cellphones is a good idea, one need look no further than Alberta (AKA the Texas of Canada):

Manitoba and Prince Edward Island are also considering a ban, but in Alberta, Premier Ed Stelmach spoke out against a private member's bill introduced in the legislature to ban drivers from using cellphones.

2008-10-14T18:14:00.010-04:00

Bad luck for the Conservatives?

I was crossing Nathan Phillips Square during lunch today when I caught sight of this: a sea gull had seemingly just deposited a fresh poop on grumbly old Winston Churchill's head!

Let's hope it is a portent of the Conservatives' fate in today's federal election. But, then again, having a bird poop on you is supposed to be good luck, so I don't know what to think.

Was this a sign just for me? And if so, does the "call-back" joke to the puffin incident really exist, or is it just in my mind? Troubling thoughts...

2008-10-10T16:02:00.003-04:00

List of battle ground ridings to watch

From the Globe and Mail:

ONTARIO BATTLEGROUND RIDINGS
Difference from 2006 election
CONSERVATIVE 35% -2
LIBERAL 31% -8
NDP 10% +5
GREEN 24% +5

The 20 in Ontario are:

Parry Sound-Muskoka, Glengarry-Prescott-Russell, St. Catharines, Hamilton East-Stoney Creek, Brant, Thunder Bay-Superior North, Oakville, Thunder Bay-Rainy River, Huron-Bruce, London-Fanshaw, Ottawa-Orléans, Simcoe North, London West, Barrie, Kitchener- Conestoga, Halton, Peterborough, Algoma-Manitoulin-Kapuskasing, Burlington, Mississauga South.

QUEBEC BATTLEGROUND RIDINGS
Difference from 2006 election
CONSERVATIVE 24% -4
LIBERAL 20% -3
NDP 13% +5
GREEN 6% +2
BLOC QUEBECOIS 37% 0

The 15 in Quebec are:

Louis-Hébert, Ahuntsic, Beauport-Limoilou, Brossard-La Prairie, Papineau, Charlesbourg-Haut-Saint-Charles, Hull-Aylmer, Honoré-Mercier, Saint-Hyacinthe-Bagot, Pontiac, Jeanne-Le Ber, Laval-Les Îles, Gatineau, Chicoutimi-Le Fjord, Brome-Missisquoi.

B.C. BATTLEGROUND RIDINGS
Difference from 2006 election
CONSERVATIVE 32% -3
LIBERAL 30% -3
NDP 24% -3
GREEN 14% +9

The 10 in British Columbia are:

Vancouver Quadra, Vancouver Island North, West Vancouver-Sunshine Coast-Sea to Sky Country, Fleetwood-Port Kells, Newton-North Delta, Burnaby-Douglas, Esquimalt-Juan de Fuca, Richmond,

Pitt Meadows-Maple Ridge-Mission, North Vancouver.

MARGIN OF ERROR +/-3.9% TO 8.8% WITH VARYING SAMPLE SIZES

SOURCE: STRATEGIC COUNSEL

NINIAN CARTER/THE GLOBE AND MAIL

2008-10-10T09:54:00.027-04:00

Davenport all-candidates meeting

Last night, a final all-candidates meeting was held for Davenport, the riding I live in. 5 of 7 candidates showed up, but, disappointingly, the two communists (M-L and CPC) were the no-shows.

I was counting on the communists to provide some entertainment ever since Roy MacGregor recounted in last Saturday's Globe and Mail how the Commmunist candidate at an all-candidates`meeting he attended in Kitchener was the entertainment highlight.

Luckily, enough other kooks were here to keep things lively.

This is my superficial impression of the candidates, listed in the order that they were introduced:

Peter Ferreira (NDP)– seems an agreeable enough fellow, reminds me strongly of my dentist, who is also quite likeable. Fun fact: Peter received over 40% of the vote in the last provincial election, and still lost.

Wendy Forrest (Ind) – one of the aforementioned kooks, Wendy is a real-estate agent and economic conspiracy theorist. Fun fact: running in the 2006 federal election for the Canadian Action Party, Wendy marshalled a total of 122 votes.

Wayne Scott (Green) – A 40-something or perhaps even 50-something (who can tell with these health freaks?) skinhead, Wayne Scott has been a bike courier for 25 years. Fun fact: Wayne has never owned a car, nor ridden in an aeroplane.

Theresa Rodrigues (CPC) – an unrepentant old skool Conservative with a strong Azorean accent. Fun fact: in the course of the questions segment of the meeting, Theresa was the only candidate to state opposition to the concept of "affordable housing".

Mario Silva (Lib) – the man with a plan. Well spoken, youthful. Kind of reminds me of Dimitar Berbatov, but shorter. Fun fact: Mario is a tiny person, maybe 5 foot 4 inches tall, and that is stretching it.

Simon Luisi (Animal Alliance) – not as entertaining a kook as the real-estate lady, Simon was nervous (or maybe the word is intense). He reminds me of David Byrne, circa Stop Making Sense, in both his persona and his dressing style.

My impressions on the question period segment later.

Peace out!

2008-10-07T15:44:00.009-04:00

Jack Layton's Debate Zingers

By all accounts (ie. according to the Dipper Chick), J-Lay was the big winner, zinger-wise, in last Thursday's english-language leadership debate.

To Harper:
"Either you don't care or you're incompetent. Which one is it?"
UPDATE 6:30 (PDT)
"Where's your platform, under the sweater?"
UPDATE 7:31 (PDT)

To Dion:
"If you can't do your job as leader of the opposition, I don't know what you are doing running for Prime Minister"

The Dipper Chick's posting also has an embedded video clip showing (I assume) some hot Layton on Dion action. Unfortunately you will have to visit her page to see it because the firewall I spend my days behind (now that I am once again "employed") blocks all external video.

I can't verify it, so I won't embed it. This is just another example of how P. in the T. does it.

2008-10-06T13:28:00.006-04:00

Tuesday Morning Links

Plug in a mic and join the Karaoke Party!

Recruiting site for the Dharma Initiative

Gallery of images from the Hubble telescope

Urban Dead- A Massively Multi-Player Web-Based Zombie Apocalypse, free.

2008-10-01T13:04:00.006-04:00

Foreign Affairs parody- I ran across it at boing boing.

The Canada joke is very weak, but otherwise this is a funny parody IMHO.

2008-10-01T10:34:00.010-04:00

Jump! You Fuckers!, courtesy of Lenin's Tomb.

2008-09-25T11:43:00.003-04:00

Choice Harper Quotes

Mason and Nicholas over at Life Without borders have brought to my attention a list (originally compiled by In Their Own Words) of choice Harper quotes from over the years.

The establishment came down with a constitutional package which they put to a national referendum. The package included distinct society status for Quebec and some other changes, including some that would just horrify you, putting universal Medicare in our constitution, and feminist rights, and a whole bunch of other things.

- Conservative leader Stephen Harper, then vice-president of the National Citizens Coalition, in a June 1997 Montreal meeting of the Council for National Policy, a right-wing American think tank.

For taxpayers, however, it’s a rip-off. And it has nothing to do with gender. Both men and women taxpayers will pay additional money to both men and women in the civil service. That’s why the federal government should scrap its ridiculous pay equity law.

- Stephen Harper on pay equity, NCC Overview, Fall 1998.

Then there is the Progressive Conservative party, the PC party, which won only 20 seats. Now, the term Progressive Conservative will immediately raise suspicions in all of your minds. It should... They were in favour of gay rights officially, officially for abortion on demand. Officially -- what else can I say about them? Officially for the entrenchment of our universal, collectivized, health-care system and multicultural policies in the constitution of the country

.

- Conservative leader Stephen Harper, then vice-president of the National Citizens Coalition, in a June 1997 Montreal meeting of the Council for National Policy, a right-wing American think tank.

Withdraw from the Canada Pension Plan... Collect our own revenue from personal income tax... Resume provincial responsibility for health-care policy. If Ottawa objects to provincial policy, fight in the courts... [E]ach province should raise its own revenue for health... It is imperative to take the initiative, to build firewalls around Alberta...

- Stephen Harper in an "Open letter to Ralph Klein," January 24th 2001.

The NDP could be described as basically a party of liberal Democrats, but it's actually worse than that, I have to say. And forgive me jesting again, but the NDP is kind of proof that the Devil lives and interferes in the affairs of men.

- Conservative leader Stephen Harper, then vice-president of the National Citizens Coalition, in a June 1997 Montreal meeting of the Council for National Policy, a right-wing American think tank.

It was probably not an appropriate term, but we support the war effort and believe we should be supporting our troops and our allies and be there with them doing everything necessary to win.

- Stephen Harper supporting the US-lead war on Iraq, Montreal Gazette, April 2nd 2003. Harper also called then-Defence Minister John McCallum an "idiot."

If you've read any of the official propagandas, you've come over the border and entered a bilingual country. In this particular city, Montreal, you may well get that impression. But this city is extremely atypical of this country... So it's basically an English-speaking country, just as English-speaking as, I would guess, the northern part of the United States.

- Conservative leader Stephen Harper, then vice-president of the National Citizens Coalition, in a June 1997 Montreal meeting of the Council for National Policy, a right-wing American think tank.

It will come as no surprise to anybody to know that I support the traditional definition of marriage as a union of one man and one woman to the exclusion of all others, as expressed in our traditional common law.

- Stephen Harper, Hansard, Address in the House of Commons on Bill C-38, February 16, 2005.

In terms of the unemployed, of which we have over a million-and-a-half, don't feel particularly bad for many of these people. They don't feel bad about it themselves, as long as they're receiving generous social assistance and unemployment insurance.

- Conservative leader Stephen Harper, then vice-president of the National Citizens Coalition, in a June 1997 Montreal meeting of the Council for National Policy, a right-wing American think tank.

A culture of defeat...

- Stephen Harper, describing the Atlantic provinces, May 2001.

[Y]our country [the USA], and particularly your conservative movement, is a light and an inspiration to people in this country and across the world.

- Conservative leader Stephen Harper, then vice-president of the National Citizens Coalition, in a June 1997 Montreal meeting of the Council for National Policy, a right-wing American think tank.

2008-09-12T11:41:00.007-04:00

What is the point of the Green Party anyway?

The NDP and Liberals have prioritised green issues within their own policy platforms already, so I fail to see what a Green Party brings to a national election, aside from syphoning off votes from the NDP and Liberals.

What is it that these twisted freaks want? A Harper majority? The mind boggles. The NDP might suck in certain ways, but I think they do a good job of representing environmental concerns.

Rather that ranting on incoherently, I will quote from a posting by Dipper Chick, titled "Elizabeth May is no martyr":

Worse than just a single-issue party, the Green Party is nothing more than a brand name. Kind of like Nike. You want to believe that if you buy brand name running shoes that you will be more fit and look cooler, and that some how they are better than other shoes. But rip off the swoosh and you have an inferior product made by a company with questionable ethics. Branding the Green Party as 'fresh' and 'new' while it is identified, through its name, as an advocate for one of the most topical issues of our time is a marketing ploy. The Liberals have been using their brand name to trick progressive Canadians out of their votes for decades. This tactic is neither 'fresh' nor 'new.'
[snip]
David Suzuki was quoted today saying:

“I can't wait until there is no Green Party,” Dr. Suzuki was quoted as telling the Toronto Star.

“As long as there's a Green party, the implication is that the Greens somehow have a stranglehold on this issue; they're the ones that worry about the environment so the other parties can worry about other things. I don't think it's a ghetto subject.”

If the Green Party should be allowed into the Leadership Debates because an independent MP joined the Greens, I guess we should all be thankful he didn't decide to join the Christian Heritage Party, the Communist Party of Canada (CPC!), or the Work Less Party.

Although, upon reflection, any of these would be more interesting than the Green Party in a debate.

Plus, are we going to be treated to the spectacle of Elizabeth May insisting on being included in french language debates? Ed Broadbent's french was bad enough, so I guess Elizabeth's attempts would at least provide some entertainment to our frenchie brothers and sisters.

2008-09-11T22:39:00.013-04:00

Slagging David Beckham

In the past, I have slagged David Beckham. I called him a 'useless tit', and worse, maybe. Since that horrible experience that was the World Cup 2006, however, I couldn't help but notice repeated quotes in the press from non-suckups that David Beckham is, in fact, one of the nicest people you could ever engage in conversation.

I noted these comments, but never really thought about it until last night's England vs. Croatia game.

Beckham didn't come on until late, and when he did he replaced Theo Walcott.

Theo Walcott had scored 3 goals in the 4-1 eventual win over Croatia. A young hat-trick wizard had put England on top for the first time since I gained high-speed internet!

Take a good look at that photo of him congratulating Walcott as Walcott exits the pitch. Real joy in Walcott's achievement.

It seems David Beckham is a guy with some class, not the preening, poncing prat that I had imagined him.

There was an article about this in the Guardian last night entitled Beckham bows to the wonder of Walcott.

Afterthought: Still, one must take into consideration his sarong phase...

2008-09-08T00:26:00.007-04:00

Polar Bear 0, Husky 1

Here is photographic evidence of a polar bear, supposed the most implacable land-based carnivore in existence, playing with a tethered Husky.

Is it photoshopped? Because I can't accept that the behaviour of the bear is possible. Unless this particular bear was raised in the company of dogs, then released into the wild when he or she got too unruly?

Accepted wisdom on "the street", at least around here, is that bears *hate* dogs and that walking in the bush with a bunch of yapping pooches will provoke, rather than disperse, any bears around.

I guess I will have to wait for the Globe and Mail (or the City of Toronto) to publish an article instructing me how to behave when bears go bad.

From the text at the bottom of the posting:

The photographer was sure that he was going to see the end of his huskies when the polar bear materialized out of the blue, as it were: But something else happened. The Polar Bear returned every night that week to play with the dogs...

2008-08-28T10:46:00.016-04:00

Davidoff: Adventure®

Whilst passing through the Sears fragrance department this morning, I couldn't help but notice that the spokesmodel for the latest, heavily advertised new fragrance (Davidoff: Adventure®) looked familiar.

It took me a few seconds to identify this latest manifestation of the decline and fall of western civilisation: it was Ewan MacGregor, the actor who burst into the public eye with his preformance as a junkie in the indie favourite Trainspotting, then immediately commenced his street-cred downward spiral by acting in no less than 3 Star Wars movies.

In the advert he is staring searchingly into the lens, half-reclining on a desolate hillside somewhere, perhaps Afghanistan.

What is with the scarf, though? That doesn't look adventurous. In fact, it doesn't look practical at all!

Ewan's opening monologue from Trainspotting:

Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing sprit-crushing ga me shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing you last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life.

But who would want to do a thing like that?

A quote off Davidoff's website of Ewan describing Adventure®:

I think it is important to go out and discover what an extraordinary world we have, and the people who live in it, and to broaden our minds instead of to narrow them… The thing about a real journey is that you have to lose control of it. You can't control an adventure. You have to give yourself in to accepting whatever experience is round the corner. And you never have any idea what that might be.

My guess is that someone at Davidoff saw one or more episodes of Ewan's crappy around-the-world-by-motorcycle series, and thought Ewan would make a perfect spokesmodel for a fragrance called Adventure™. (The presence of a motorcycle in the background is a dead give-away.)

I understand Davidoff's reasoning for hiring Ewan. What I don't understand is what Ewan was thinking when he agreed to the contract.

Still EM also appeared in that piece of shit the Pillow Book, so maybe he makes poor decisions. And again, we must come back to the Star Wars films...

In retrospect, perhaps Ewan sucks as an actor, Trainspotting aside, and he has realized this and gone the Mariah Carey merchandising route...

2008-08-27T13:38:00.010-04:00

I have accepted the challenge of the Omnivore's 100

I am not even sure what the point of this is supposed to be. Mostly I posted this because things have been *very* slow so far here at my new, unionised job.

The rules for the Omnivore's 100 are

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating

So here I go!

1. Venison
2. ~~Nettle tea~~ (sounds like something one might drink to induce vomiting)
3. Huevos rancheros
4. ~~Steak tartare~~ (the current Listeria scare has turned me off the possibility of ever trying this)
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. ~~Carp~~ (makes me think of a bony, scaley bottom-feeder)
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich (I believe this means "peanut butter and jam")
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes (I don't think there are such things in Canada)
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Cheese fondue
8. ~~Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper~~ (is this a joke? One of the hottest peppers in existence, average 50 times hotter than a jalapeno)
27. Dulce de leche (Diabetes warning!)
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. ~~Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl~~ (love clam chowder, hate sourdough)
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. ~~Root beer float~~
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea (clotted cream is illegal in Canada)
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. ~~Whole insects~~ (unless I was trapped in a Road Warrior-type future, in which case I would eat *anything* on this list)
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. ~~Fugu~~ (takes the fear of choking on a bone to the next level)
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. ~~Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut~~ (inching closer to type 2 Diabetes)
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. ~~McDonald’s Big Mac Meal~~
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. ~~S’mores~~
62. Sweetbreads
63. ~~Kaolin~~ ("industrial mineral used primarily as an inert filler"?)
64. Currywurst (not sure if this exists in North America)
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini (standard menu item at the Stratford Chefs' School)
73. Louche absinthe (the night after purchasing a bottle of this, I dumped the remainder of the bottle down the drain. Not a good tipple for someone with an Oral Fixation.)
75. ~~Roadkill~~ (aren't most wildlife disease-ridden?)
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong (I remember Alex P. Keaton making fun of this in Family Ties)
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant (Does Madeline's count?)
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers (if we count zucchini flowers)
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. ~~Soft shell crab~~
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake

2008-08-21T15:14:00.013-04:00

I had forgotten how much the Olympics suck!

But now, it is all coming back to me.

Even though I don't watch TV any more (instead I libernate it from the intertubes), I am still confounded by impossible-to-avoid Olympic coverage in newspapers, elevator TV, radio bits, etc.

As Adam Radwanski points out in his Globe & Mail blog

I'll admit to being profoundly irritated by the Olympics - all Olympics - to begin with. It's never been clear to me why our sense of national worth should be affected one way or another by our performance in a bunch of sports that we wouldn't remotely care about if they hadn't all been lumped together in one big event. But if you want to make the usual comparison to Australia, as Campbell also did, then fair enough. I find the Aussies' Olympic fixation weird and tedious, but theirs is a comparable democracy that promotes athletics in a reasonably healthy way.

I always thought that the best thing about Canada was that we, collectively, feel no need to wave the flag. Typically, it is Christine 'Man Meat' Blatchford that is leading the Waving the Flag people in Peking.

Christine 'Crusty' Blatchford (as defunct mag Private Eye used to call her) definitely needs some calming down. I suspect she has been allowed to hang out in mens' dressing rooms again, and with the wealth of skin on display in the Olympic Village (unlike Base Kandahar) the possibility of someone taking a hit for the team is very small.

I must admit one Olympic-related vice. The last time I watched random Olympic coverage (and this was only sporadic since CTV had the cunning idea of showing the first season of The Sopranos at 22h00 every night against the CBC coverage) I found myself fascinated by the Womens' Distance Walking competition.

It was a relevation how sexy watching Womens' Distance Walking was, when viewed from the right perspective. Ie. from a vehicle 10m behind the main group.

Beach Volleyball has nothing compared to Ladies' Distance Walking, IMHO.

2008-08-18T22:01:00.011-04:00

An apt description of Christiano Ronaldo?

From Guardian article titled "Rooney yet to ignite as United pay for lack of Ronaldo's derring-do":

(My bolding)

Cristiano Ronaldo could be located at Old Trafford yesterday sitting apart from the other injured players, with his baseball cap the wrong way around and unaware or unconcerned that one of the fanzines being sold on Sir Matt Busby Way described him as a "preening, perma-tanned, posturing, petulant prick".

Kudos to the anonymous fanzine writer, and to Daniel Taylor for bringing this description to my attention. I always enjoy alliteration, but especially so when it is applied in such a pithy fashion.

2008-08-12T21:23:00.009-04:00

Give me one good reason why Russia SHOULDN'T conquer Georgia

I mean seriously, one good reason. My reasoning:

There is no way in hell any NATO countries, including the Great Satan, will physically intervene in the conflict by sending troops.
They won't even provide air support! (Airlifted "Humanitarian Aid", is a possibility, however.)

Why? Because even though Russia has been portrayed as a basket-case for the last decade and a half, they still have the nuclear and conventional forces to deter any potential adversaries (ie. the Great Satan and/or its NATO stooges). For all practical purposes, it is like dealing with the old USSR.

Who helped out Afghanistan when the USSR invaded in 1980? As Mel Lastman always used to say, NOOOBOOOODY!

Which segues nicely into the next possibility: sanctions, UN-related or otherwise.

Not going to happen. Russia is a permanent member of the UN Security Council and they can veto anything they don't like, just like the Great Satan did when it invaded Iraq.

Any other sanctions (ie. Group of 7 or whatever) will never be enacted because Russia directly controls 25% of Europe's energy purchases.

So no intervention, no effective sanctions. Why shouldn't Russia go all the way and install a pro-Russia regime, especially when doing so would allow control over the pipelines that were routed through Georgia specifically to avoid Russian control?

Someone has got their Game On, and it is definitely not the Great Satan.

2008-07-16T15:41:00.014-04:00

Festival of India this weekend

According to a pamphlet handed to me yesterday on Dundas Square by a lean 30-something hippie with a Vishnu tilaka and a german accent, there is going to be a big celebration tomorrow called Festival of India. The festivities will include a parade from Yonge and Bloor down to Queen's Quay followed by a party on Toronto Island (assuming Rudra holds off from raining on their parade).

While I am I great fan of Hindu festivals, I will probably give this one a miss because I get a sense that, although it isn't explicitly laid out on the feedyoursoul.to website, the parade is really being run by a bunch of euro-trash (but in a good way) Krishna Consciousness people (Hari Krishnas), not bona fide Hindus from South Asia.

Not that I have any problem with westerners enthusiastically adopting eastern religions, it is that I fear the experience would seem a bit contrived, relatively speaking.

2008-07-09T15:22:00.020-04:00

In case of nuclear disaster

Go inside and turn on your radio or television
Listen to media reports for instructions from the Province on what to do
Follow the directions provided by the Province

Instructions from the City of Toronto's "'Red Page' – Nuclear Emergency Information". (PDF 1.67 MB)

An inquiring mind might wonder what to do if, for instance, there is no electricity to power tv and/or radio.

Or if there was a pandemic resulting in a never ending onslaught of flesh-crazed 'zombies' (this scenario is imagined in 28 Days Later).

According to the Zombie Survival Guide, generated noise like tvs and radios are sure to attract wandering zombies.

I am not sure whether I would rely on the admonishments of the Red Page, regardless of whether the threat is a nuclear accident or an 'infestation'.

Go inside and wait for news? Even if you still have electricity, if you live within 10 kms of the 2 'ground zeroes' portrayed in the graphic above you are probably dead already, even if you don't know it yet.

The advice to keep indoors is probably a governmental attempt to avoid exposing people outside the Death Zone to fleeing Ajaxers and Pickerlings, slowly boiling to death from the inside as they run shrieking and cursing along Kingston Rd. towards downtown.

2008-06-18T23:22:00.005-04:00

John Barber on free highways

In today's Globe and Mail, John Barber wrote a column titled "Reality requires road tolls; prepare for the inevitable".

What caught my eye?

What makes tolls doubly attractive is that motorists also stand to benefit, both immediately and in the long term. Our highways today are like Communist supermarkets, with huge lineups for artificially cheap food that is rarely available.

By now, everybody knows there is only one way to rationalize the distribution of a scarce resource: You price it. The lineups disappear and rutabagas suddenly abound.

That, friends, is some evocative imagery, especially considering who it comes from.

Now if only the City of Toronto would follow Barber's advice, vis-a-vis on-street parking.

2008-06-05T14:01:00.020-04:00

Celebrating Toronto Bike Month

In celebration of Toronto Bike Month, please enjoy the following excerpts from the executive summary (I am still looking for the whole report) of City of Toronto Bicycle/Motor-Vehicle Collision Study 2003 (pdf, 326 kB). Although it only studies data compiled between 1986 and 1996, it still contains a plethora of interesting facts and figures for anyone hoping to increase their chances of survival whilst negotiating high density street activity.

According to the data, the t-bone is the most statistically significant source of injury for bike riders. (The illustration at the top of this post is a representation of a t-bone accident.)

As far as I am concerned, this is amateur garbage. Anyone who actually trusts that a vehicle not signalling a right turn will not turn right is incredibly naive.

After I was forced to fall over onto the sidewalk to prevent myself being crushed by a cube van making a tight right turn during a red light on Bay Street last summer, a courier waiting behind me quoted the apparently well known courier truism "Right side is suicide". (I wonder if there is an online repository of such wisdom, or if they prefer to keep this knowledge to themselves.)

If bikers don't realize that it is safer to swing to the left behind any vehicle giving any indication at all (signalling, slowing down, etc) of making a right turn, this will continue to be the #1 problem.

My biggest fear regarding biking safety is the same as Jeff Gray outlined in last weekend's Globe and Mail: when riding in a bike lane that has parked cars between myself and the sidewalk, I tend to keep to the left of the bike lane.

While this provides an extra millisecond or two reaction time if someone suddenly opens their car door, at the same time it significantly increases the chances of being struck on the back of the head by the side mirror of a passing pickup or cube van.

Which is more dangerous, car doors or side-mirrors? That was my most important question:

Motorist Overtaking 277 cases (11.9% of total)
Motorist Opens Vehicle Door 276 cases (11.9% of total)

Wouldn't you know it? A statistical dead heat.

However, since these statistics also include the area outside the central part of the city, I am going to go ahead and speculate that the door prize is a greater danger than the possibility of a mirror/skull interaction, at least downtown where there is more happening, parking-wise.

Other interesting facts to be gleaned from the executive summary:

Almost 30% of the cyclists involved in reported motor vehicle collisions were cycling on the sidewalk immediately prior to their collisions, making this the most frequent possible contributing factor.

The vast majority of collisions happened in dry weather conditions. Most occurred in daylight, particularly during rush hours, especially the evening peak, between 3 p.m. and 7 p.m.

From "Contributing Factors"

Cyclist impaired- 9 cases
Motorist impaired- 3 cases

Happy biking!

UPDATE (08.07.18)
I was just reviewing this post and I noticed that the cyclist in the graphic is run over by what appears to be a Porsche, or some other kind of expensive sportscar.

HELLO CLAIMS COURT!

2008-06-01T01:27:00.000-04:00

GABLE's cartoon from today's Globe and Mail, lampooning, once again, the Keystone Kops antics of CPC ministers. This is probably aimed principally at Maxime Bernier and his recent displays of extreme, shall we say, 'absent-mindedness'.

2008-05-31T00:55:00.003-04:00

Needed: a Stephen Harper archive?

The number of malevolent, stupid, ignorant and/or outright lying statements made by the Prime Minister (or his puppets) has reached the point that I find it hard to keep track them down when I need to refer to a particular instance.

Maybe it is time for a Harper Archive!

Since I seem to have time on my hands, I thought I might create one (a popular UI time waster).

But first, I did a search to see if anything similar exists, in the style of stopiggy.com (now defunct, and that is stop iggy.com, not sto piggy.com, which also makes a kind of sense as long as 'sto' means something derogatory in a slavic language.)

I found one! The Harper Index. Now I don't have to splash the cash for a domain name, hosting, and the like.

While the Harper Index doesn't seem to include a library of unfortunate Harper photo opportunities (which I would have made a centrepiece) it still saves time by providing a plethora of links to what the Evil Spock really thinks.

The Harper Index is far from perfect, but I hope that it will expand its raison d'etre in the months ahead.

Perhaps a blog? A forum? Web 2.0 is like a weakened and desperate immigrant, eager to be exploited.

2008-05-13T12:04:00.024-04:00

Easing gracefully into middle age?

Now that I am on the wrong side of 40, I have finally come to the conclusion that perhaps some lifestyle changes might be in order.

Last weekend, at a memorial service for Donna (my mother's dearest friend since grade 9), Donna's grandson (age approx. 22) introduced me to his buddy (who had come to the rememberance to show respect) in this way:

PALGOLAK, just wait til we are all sitting on the dock looking at the stars this summer! Jimmy here is a first class partay-er. He won't disappoint!

These words froze the blood in my veins. Sure, not so long ago (relatively speaking), I did enjoy sitting on the end of the dock recounting (and listening to) heroic bouts of substance abuse from teenagers, but now I find it a bit boring.

Even painful, unless I am extremely over-refreshed.

I try to visualize myself as a twenty-year old, and how I viewed middle-aged 'partay-ers', but I come up with a blank.

I probably thought they were pretty cool, old folks that smoked ganja.

All I know is that in a Saturday evening cottage situation, these days, the last place I want to be is sitting on a dock with a passel of drunk university students swearing and talking loudly about drugs and alcohol, especially when my reborn aunt and uncle (with visiting church friends) are sitting on another dock 10 metres away trying to enjoy the Northern Lights. (This happened last summer, BTW.)

I just want to lie on a couch (or hammock) and read, whilst sipping a glass of wine. And take the occasional look at the stars, of course.

Last summer, in the aftermath of the multiple murder of a bunch of middle-aged Bandidos, I read a psychological analysis in a paper (I forget which) that posited that the 'biker type' were people that couldn't let go from that party-hearty lifestyle that they had grown accustomed to as youngsters.

I doubt whether John Muscedere (photo above) ever worried about the harmful effects of ganja smoke enough to buy a vapourizer, and he probably still did liquor shots, too. (If you click on the image, you can see the whole photograph, including kids' toys under a tree to the side.)

Am I any different, even though I own a vapourizer and eschew hard liquor? I wonder.

Luckily I have avoided an early death, but still I find it depressing that my young buddy assumes that my behaviour on a Saturday night will have more in common with John Muscedere's than, say, James Wolcott's.