New EPL favourite: Mario Balotelli

Joining previous nominees Craig Bellamy and Joey Barton, Mario Balotelli is now my favourite EPL player.

Why? Because he is interesting, that's why.

The Manchester City forward's antics have been rewarded with a new song by the fans, replicated here (courtesy of the Guardian Sportsblog):

Oh Balotelli he's a striker…
He's good at darts/
He's allergic to grass but when he plays/ He's fucking class.
Drives round Moss Side/ with a wallet full of cash
Can't put on his vest/ But when he does he is the best
Goes into schools/ Tells teachers all the rules
Sets fire to his gaff/ With rockets from his bath
Doesn't give a fuck/ Cos he did it for a laugh
Runs back to his house/ For a suitcase full of cash
Oh Balotelli …

Lastly, it is important to note that Mario has a lovely smile when someone finally gets one out of him.

2011-12 EPL predictions
I was waiting for the Charity Shield before publishing my prediction, since I wasn't sure about whether to pick Man City or Man U. as the winners.

I have decided on Man City. This might seem counter-intuitive, since Man U. won the game. However, this game gave me my first look at the new Man U. goalie, David De Gea, and he looked like Ben Foster all over again.

Other controversial picks would be Arsenal out of the top four, and Liverpool placing third, above Chelsea:

Manchester City
Manchester United
Liverpool
Chelsea
Arsenal
Tottenham
.
.
.
Wigan
Swansea
Blackburn

New Fave Premier League player: Joey Barton

Now that Craig Bellamy has exited the English Premier League, I have decided I need a new EPL favourite.

Sure, Mario Balotelli seems to have a lot going for him in the idiotic behaviour department, and Wazza is always good for a laugh, but ultimately I have decided to settle for Joey Barton, currently sporting a 50s-style rock'n'roll hairdo.

Caught in the high-tech graphic above calling Fernando Torres a 'poof', Joey is always up to something interesting!

English Premier League Predictions 2010-2011

Despite not making the most astute of predictions last year (basically missing the fall of Liverpool and the rise of Tottenham although I got the relegated teams right), I thought I would make another attempt at predicting the top and bottom teams of the EPL 2010-2011.

This season is tough- I have chosen Chelsea to win, yet their performance during this year's Community Shield against Manchester United was anything but reassuring.

Richard Caravalho is gone, John Terry *sucked*, and I suspect this is going to be the year that Terry finally has that big mental breakdown I, for one, have been anticipating for some time.

The other top prospects have their problems as well:

Man United seem just shadows of their former selves with Rio Ferdinand surely on his last legs and no plausible replacement on the horizon. Much has been made of new signing Javier Hernández but I can confidently predict that Hernández will play more like Berbatov than Rooney (who incidentally is in the middle of a huge slump).

Man City have signed so many players, players like Craig Bellamy and Robinho might not even make the 25-man registered team. While Man City will definitely be fascinating to watch, it remains to be seen whether any manager, let alone Roberto Mancini, will be able to form a coherent team from this huge group of prima donnas.

Arsenal might be able to go to the top this year, but I doubt it. Their team is mostly composed of Hernández-type tinkerbells and they have yet to sign a good goalie.

This season is, realistically, wide open since none of these teams are obvious favourites as the season begins.

1. Chelsea
2. Man City
3. Arsenal
4. Man United
5. Liverpool
.
.
.
18. West Ham
19. West Bromich Albion
20. Blackpool

I am developing strong feelings for Craig Bellamy

Misshapen, tattooed freak Craig Bellamy was someone I have discounted since I started following the English Premier League. Besides being short, argumentative, and tattooed (mentioned again, just to make sure the point has been made), Bellamy also runs like a girl.

So, I considered him a worthy target of my spite, even though I freely admit that I don't really know what I am talking about.

This season, however, with Setanta Broadband actually allowing me to see the EPL matches I want to, I have to admit that Bellamy is fantastic. He has been one of Manchester City's brightest lights, showing levels of grit and determination that have made him the de facto City captain with six goals and six assists in the league thus far.

Two incidents this season in particular serve to illustrate Bellamy's spirit:



Last Wednesday, against Man U, he was taking a corner kick when he was struck by a coin thrown by a Man U supporter.

Did he do a 'Christiano Ronaldo' and milk the moment for all he was worth?

No sir, he did not. He stood there dazed for a few moments, rubbing the back of his head, then carried on with the corner kick.

In the second incident, against Bolton, Bellamy was shown a second yellow card for 'simulation' (A.K.A. 'diving', or 'falling down for no real reason').

Now, Craig Bellamy can be fairly accused of a lot of things, the story of his drunkenly attacking a team mate with a golf club being the most interesting incident in a long pattern of unpleasant behaviour, on and off the field, but being a diver? Bellamy would probably be the last person on the planet to demonstrate such effete, Christiano Ronaldo-like behaviour.

As then-Manager Mark Hughes said after Bellamy's sending off:

Craig Bellamy is not going to change. He will moan and groan [on the pitch] but that is part of his make-up. People should know that now and not take offence. We don't. But I have not seen him dive. That is not part of his make-up, he is not a cheat.

Not a cheat, a possible EPL Player of the Year!

EPL Predictions

The 2009-2010 season of the English Premier League is about to begin. To see if I have learned anything at all from my countless hours wasted over the past 2 years playing Football Manager, I have decided to accept Paul Wilson's challenge and predict the top five finishers, as well as the 3 teams that will be relegated:

1. Manchester United
2. Chelsea
3. Liverpool
4. Manchester City
5. Arsenal
...
18. Burnley
19. Hull City
20. Portsmouth

There it is, now part of the public record.