"Look on the bright side - how many people can say they had their wedding blown up by the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize?"

From Troubletown.

McLovin

Last night I finally got the chance to see Superbad, a heart-warming buddy flick starring George-Michael Bluth as Evan and the younger, more irritating dopplegänger of Seth Rogen as Seth.

While George-Michael was good, and the two cop characters were certainly a big addition to the movie, I would have to say that what made the movie a success (the Napoleon Dynamite of 2007) was the supporting character of Fogell, A.K.A. McLovin.

Here is the dialogue for the critical McLovin scene, from the IMDB:

Fogell: Yo guys! Sup?

Seth: Fogell, where have you been, man? You almost gave me a goddamn heart attack. Let me see it. Did you pussy out or what?

Fogell: No noooo, man. I got it; it is flawless. Check it!

Evan: [examining the fake ID] Hawaii. All right, that's good. That's hard to trace, I guess. Wait... you changed your name to... McLovin?

Fogell: Yeah.

Evan: McLovin? What kind of a stupid name is that, Fogell? What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer?

Fogell: Naw, they let you pick any name you want when you get down there.

Seth: And you landed on McLovin...

Fogell: Yeah. It was between that or Muhammed.

Seth: Why the FUCK would it be between THAT or Muhammed? Why don't you just pick a common name like a normal person?

Fogell: Muhammed is the most commonly used name on Earth. Read a fucking book for once.

Evan: Fogell, have you actually ever met anyone named Muhammed?

Fogell: Have YOU actually ever met anyone named McLovin?

Seth: No, that's why you picked a dumb fucking name!

Fogell: Fuck you.

Seth: Gimme that. All right, you look like a future pedophile in this picture, number 1. Number 2: it doesn't even have a first name, it just says "McLovin"!

Evan: What? One name? ONE NAME? Who are you? Seal?

Seth: Fogell, this ID says that you're 25 years old. Why wouldn't you just put 21, man?

Fogell: Seth, Seth, Seth. Listen up, ass-face: every day, hundreds of kids go into the liquor store with fake IDs, and every single one says they're 21. Pssh, how many 21 year olds do you think there are in this town? It's called fucking strategy, all right?

Evan: Stay calm, okay? Let's not lose our heads. It's... it's a fine ID; it'll... it's gonna work. It's passable, okay? This isn't terrible. I mean, it's up to you, Fogell. This guy is either gonna think 'Here's another kid with a fake ID' or 'Here's McLovin, a 25 year-old Hawaiian organ donor'. Okay? So what's it gonna be?

Fogell: [grinning] ... I am McLovin!

Seth: No you're not. No one's McLovin. McLovin's never existed because that's a made up dumb FUCKING FAIRY TALE NAME, YOU FUCK!

The second critical scene for McLovin, A.K.A. Fogell:

Officer Slater: [talking to Fogell with Officer Michaels in the liquor store after a robbery] May we see your identification?

[Fogell uneasily hands over his fake ID]

Officer Slater: McLovin?

[Fogell is really nervous]

Officer Slater: [pauses] That's a cool name.

Fogell: [amazed that his fake ID worked] Wha... wha...

Officer Slater: Yeah, people have weird names nowadays. Once I pulled arrested this man-lady, and his legal first name was "Fuck".

Officer Michaels: He was Vietnamese, so it was spelled "Ph," but still that's pretty jarring to see on a drivers license.

Bonus: make your own McLovin ID!

When Happy Days jumped the shark

It wasn't when the Fonz literally jumped the shark, it was when Potsy sang the "Pump Your Blood" song which I believe was earlier in the same season.

In this scene, Potsy's final exam, The Fonz shows up to deliver words of wisdom, and to judge. The Fonz might be out of work, or working nights, or possibly he phoned in sick so he could be at Potsy's gig (although I sense The Fonz's employment was of the "no workee, no payee" sort).

Anyhoo, Fonzie shows up. It is like the ending of Bedknobs and Broomsticks!

Fonzie- you have got to stop hanging around so much with these high-school guys!



Courtesy of that bearded, overall-wearing, Bills-supporting weirdo Jaquandor, who, although he doesn't know it, I hold close to my heart.

If Jaquandor can thrive in the Great Satan, there is hope.

Room Service

By GABLE.

Stolen from the Globe and Mail.

Why the USA will never implement universal health care

From Lance Mannion:

The business of America is business. We don't make anything anymore. We don't build much of anything and we barely bother to keep what our grandparents built in repair. We grow less and less. We create fewer and fewer better mousetraps. And the only reason we make, build, repair, grow, and create the little that we do is to sell it at the highest possible price. Our economy is based on everybody doing business with one another. It's based on buying and selling. It's based on all of us looking at each other as potential customers, which is to say that it's based on all of us looking to take advantage of each other to make a profit of some kind.

(snip)

You can say that Baucus and the other Blue Dogs have been bought off by the insurance industry. But it's probably more accurate to say that the insurance industry is rewarding them for understanding how things are supposed to work. Whatever the supposed issue Congress seems to be working on, the real job of government is to keep the buying and selling going. Baucus and the Blue Dogs and plenty of the so-called moderates set to bargain the public option away understand that it is in the nation's best interest to ensure that the economy, which is based on everybody being a customer or client first and a voter and a citizen, and a human being, not necessarily last but way down the list, thrives and grows. The way to do this is to make more customers.

(snip)

Nobody expects the army to make a profit or the fire department or the highway department. No sensible person whose heart is in the right place expects our schools to make money. We don't make money off each other by protecting them from our mutual enemies or by saving them from burning buildings or by sending them out to work or to the store on safe, well-kept roads. We don't make money off each other---or shouldn't try to---by teaching each other's kids to read and do math. Why then did those people (us again) think they should make money off of keeping each other alive and well?

And the answer is because our economy is based on our treating each other as customers and commodities not as fellow citizens, not even as fellow human beings. If it fell to us to write the Constitution or re-write it, the preamble would be changed to "We the Consumers of the United States, in order to purchase a more perfect union, pay for the a criminal justice system, buy and sell the weapons and equipment necessary for the common defense, make money off of insuring domestic tranquility, get rich off of promoting the general welfare, and secure for those who can afford the high price we're going to charge the blessings of liberty for themselves and their lazy, arrogant, good for nothing but asserting their own status and special privileges progeny, do agree to this contract, please read the attached terms and conditions and check the box marked 'accept'."

EPL Predictions

The 2009-2010 season of the English Premier League is about to begin. To see if I have learned anything at all from my countless hours wasted over the past 2 years playing Football Manager, I have decided to accept Paul Wilson's challenge and predict the top five finishers, as well as the 3 teams that will be relegated:

1. Manchester United
2. Chelsea
3. Liverpool
4. Manchester City
5. Arsenal
...
18. Burnley
19. Hull City
20. Portsmouth

There it is, now part of the public record.

Use a plausible excuse when you call in sick



Very appropriate information, especially for those of us who have a hard time using up all our sick days, banked or otherwise.

Stolen from Wired.