
The whole "liquids on planes" scam
I had very much hoped that by the time I was on a plane again, the international airline industry would have backed off from this "no liquids or gels on planes" bullshit.
I mean, wasn't the whole thing disproven as being hysteria stirred to a fever-pitch by those clowns on Fleet Street, and aided and abetted by toffee-nosed war criminal Tony Blair (and his ilk) because such hysteria serves their own purposes?
I can accept, maybe, having to down nearly a litre of water before being allowed into the secure zone at Pearson international airport. What I can't accept is being forced to dump my water bottle AGAIN after disembarking at Malpensa ("Bad Thinking" in Italian?) airport in Milan even though I was still in transit!
The upshot? There I was, no water, no Euros and about to take off for Mumbai international airport, arriving at 1h30 on a Sunday morning, a place and time where I was really, really afraid of being without water.
What does a rational person do in an irrational situation like this? I am, after all, a "perspirer". (I burst into a sweat if I turn the pages of a book too quickly! And being hung-over definitely doesn't help matters.)
I did the only thing I could think of: engage in the act of shoplifting.
I nonchalantly grabbed a couple of 7.5 cl bottled waters off the shelf in a self-serve cafeteria, jammed them in my carry-on bag, and strolled over to my departure gate.
Some people might blame my behaviour on my lack of morals, but I know better. I blame the Man.