The whole "liquids on planes" scam

I had very much hoped that by the time I was on a plane again, the international airline industry would have backed off from this "no liquids or gels on planes" bullshit.

I mean, wasn't the whole thing disproven as being hysteria stirred to a fever-pitch by those clowns on Fleet Street, and aided and abetted by toffee-nosed war criminal Tony Blair (and his ilk) because such hysteria serves their own purposes?

I can accept, maybe, having to down nearly a litre of water before being allowed into the secure zone at Pearson international airport. What I can't accept is being forced to dump my water bottle AGAIN after disembarking at Malpensa ("Bad Thinking" in Italian?) airport in Milan even though I was still in transit!

The upshot? There I was, no water, no Euros and about to take off for Mumbai international airport, arriving at 1h30 on a Sunday morning, a place and time where I was really, really afraid of being without water.

What does a rational person do in an irrational situation like this? I am, after all, a "perspirer". (I burst into a sweat if I turn the pages of a book too quickly! And being hung-over definitely doesn't help matters.)

I did the only thing I could think of: engage in the act of shoplifting.

I nonchalantly grabbed a couple of 7.5 cl bottled waters off the shelf in a self-serve cafeteria, jammed them in my carry-on bag, and strolled over to my departure gate.

Some people might blame my behaviour on my lack of morals, but I know better. I blame the Man.


Anonymous said...

You sound like you're as much of a moron in this day and age to expect to carry bottles on and off planes. Could you be as dumb as that pea head football player who had a "secret" compartment in his water bottle?

Anonymous said...

If we can't bring it on, they should at least be giving us free bottled water on the plane.

Its H2O...we live off this stuff!

PALGOLAK said...

I have read the story you linked to and don't really see the parallel.

Didn't I make it clear that I had already gone through security? And I did bring the water bottle on the plane, having purchased the water in the airport's 'secured area'. The second water bottle was taken from me as I left one plane to transfer to another plane.

Although you are apparently a bonehead, at least you didn't spell 'moron' as 'moran', I guess.

Is it possible this is you? You two seem to be similar 'types'...

Anonymous said...

Try this one out for size...neanderthal. The modern day definition: "is sometimes used as an insult, to suggest that a person combines a deficiency of intelligence and someone who is attached to outdated ideas."
For you to even think about bringing a bottle near a boarding gate in an airport in 2007 seriously calls into question your intelligence. When did you last fly? When the Vickers Viscount was a state of the art aircraft?

Anonymous said...

You're a freakin' thief and lucky you didn't end up in a dense wooded area getting your sorry ass whipped with a beanpole and impaled by someone's human python of "discipline".

Anonymous said...

Wow the internet does brings out the worst in people.

Chill out folks it just water.

Anonymous said...

Watch the curry in India my friend.

Talk about ring of fire....Whew Doggie!