Russell Brand: wanker?

I was recently perusing the football section of of the Guardian Online when I came upon a fairly amusing opinion column by a fellow named Russell Brand. A quote:

At half-time I made the mistake of using the lavatory in the Dr Martens stand unaccompanied. Further autographs and photographs ensued. This caught the attention of a group of what I can only describe as lads. Or possibly yobs. As they queued to buy drinks, I became the focus of their good-natured chants beginning with: "Who the fucking hell are you?" Moving on to: "Brandy is a wanker." Followed by a burst of: "Sex case, sex case, 'ang 'im, 'ang 'im, 'ang 'im." Borrowed from the film McVicar. High jinks, yes, but unnerving none the less. And then: "Where were you when we were shit?"

Well frankly, I internally remarked, "we were shit in the first half, I was in my seat watching us being shit." But of course they meant where were you in previous, less successful seasons. To which I would like to rather belatedly respond. I was here but you didn't recognise me because I didn't have a famous hair-do. Obviously I didn't have the confidence to articulate that at the time because I was too busy maintaining control of both my frontal and rear sphincters. The tone of these taunts was essentially garrulous, ribald tormenting as opposed to an aggressive onslaught. Blessedly I was given a chance to redeem myself.


Many ran to congratulate and hug me. I was accepted. One, to show his acceptance (I don't know what manner of ritual this is), tipped some beer on my head. I've never felt more loved. Then, before I reached the lavatory, Zamora equalised, chaos erupted and I was swept off my feet. Embraced. More beer sloshed about on to my, retrospectively, ill-advised footwear - the flip-flop...

I have always been interested in the phenomenon of people that are celebrities in Britain, but not North America, so I did a search for Russell Brand on google.co.uk (I had no choice in this, because recently, at some step in a google free-app 'wizard', I indicated I preferred UK spelling rather than US spelling, which means I now bounce to google.co.uk, rather than google.ca regardless of my IP address) and it turns out Russell Brand is quite a celebrity as a comedian in the UK.

Being an enterprising sort (at least when it comes to searches, as opposed to actually doing anything physical) I found that Russell is the MC of Big Brother's Big Mouth, something that runs daily with Big Brother UK. I searched for "Big Brother's Big Mouth" on youtube.com and got more than I had expected: Russell Brand isn't the intellectual comic I had expected to see. He is a lisping, flaming, unfunny cunt, as Bob Geldof would say.

I must presume that he hides the sly humour exposed in his column because the lads prefer his pensées celebrating his 'ball bags'.

Sad. But I still love his way with words: "To which I would like to rather belatedly respond...".

That, my friends, is what is known as 'well-spoken'.


Anonymous said...

He's not a wanker but fascist. Does that make him a wankscist?

Anonymous said...

sigh, this is clearly under researched. Big Brother's Big Mouth is probably the programme that propelled him into the public eye but in that he is simply the presenter, the guy who keeps order so that everyone gets a chance to speak. just watch his stand up which is, in my opinion, brilliant. he is extremely intelligent and as such recieves some criticism mainly from ridiculously overtly masculine males who find his charismatic character threatening. Whoever said he is a fascist is utterly ridiculous as he is possibly as liberal as it is possible to get which you will see from this clip where he mocks the sun newspaper:


there is also his dvd (cut into 8 parts) on youtube.


This live show is called "shame" as it is generally about embarrassment which is a major human (and especially English) trait and as such a very easy topic for us all to identify with. as Brand has said on occasion: "My life is simply a series of embarrassing moments strung together by telling people about those embarrassing moments".
In conclusion, you have clearly missed the point and you are, therefore, a tit.

PALGOLAK said...

I have noted your links, and acknowledge that I am, perhaps, a 'tit'.

At least I am not a 'useless tit', which is how I referred to David Beckham during last summer's shambles. So don't think to amaze me with your command of the language!

Also, I should point out that you appear to agree with my main conclusion, that Brand is playing it vulgar and stupid for the proles that watch his TV show.

I even concluded with another acknowledgement of his writing skills! Jeesh...

PALGOLAK said...


Since I was browsing these comments anyway, I thought I would point out that I even made this the subject of a contrite posting sometime earlier this year (in March 2007, I don't have the energy to link right now).

I am adding this comment in case another Russell fan happens on this critique and decided to go apeshit!

Anonymous said...

Once upon a time a little boy decided to dress up like a well known fictional pirate that all the girls liked and decided to phrase nob gags in an edwardian fashion. Oh how we laughed at his side splitting gags about his own miniscule genetalia. And not forgetting his hillarious drug taking stories. Hahaha! No he is not funny and yes he is a wanker. And no Im not overtly masculine.

PALGOLAK said...

Is this your real personal experience with the celebrated Russel Brand? Or an apocryphal story, that you heard through your sister's aunt's cousin, or the like?

Inquiring minds need to know!

Anonymous said...

Please die as soon as possible, just another fuckin waste of space.