Disturbing signals from my unconscious mind?

I sleepwalked twice during my stay in balmy Cuba last week. One minute, I am dreaming about walking around outside, the next minute I am walking around outside!

I never really believed that such a phenomenon as sleepwalking was actually true. I figured that the kind of people that claim they sleepwalk are the kind of people that believe horoscopes are true or the kind of people that forward accounts of angel sightings to lots of other angel-oriented people.

The only time I recall reading about it in the paper was when some guy got off a murder charge by successfully claiming that when he drove 30 miles and killed his parents-in-law, he was sleepwalking. I can't find a link for that particular case, but apparently the first time the sleepwalking defence was successfully used was in 1846!

Anyhoo, at least as far as the steady hands monitoring the human condition at SteadyHealth.com are concerned, sleepwalking is caused by

Cause of sleepwalking - stress

Several researches done in the past have showed that sleep problems frequently occur around periods of stress. It is not uncommon for a person's sleep to be disrupted following the death of a loved one or around the time of a major medical problem. This is why many sleep problems resolve once the stress is resolved or the medical condition subsides. However, some sleep disorders can begin with an acute problem and become a chronic sleep problem.

I refuse to accept this explanation. I was under less stress than I have been in a long, long time. The only remotely plausible alternative explanations I have come up with, thus far, include:

1. I was being mentally interfered with by the Castro government, perhaps in the form of orbital satellites, or zombie powder in the buffet food.

2. I was feeling guilty, unconsciously, that by attending this all-inclusive resort I was propping up the Communist government of Fidel Castro.

Either one is possible, although I have to favour the first option since, consciously at least, I quite delight in the thought of spitting in the eye of the Great Satan by vacationing in Cuba.


Anonymous said...

tinfoil would have done the trick. stops all beams for me.....

PALGOLAK said...

A tinfoil hat might well prove effective against orbital satellites (although I haven't seen any scientific proof for this supposition), but what about the potential for zombie powder in the 'lasagna'?

Inquiring minds need to know!

Anonymous said...

Realistically speaking, I'm sure sleepwalking can be caused by a variety of mental stimulus. You might have been absolved of some deep, soul-destroying stress after being "whacked." But uncertainty about the future, being in a different environment immediately following your parole, going to bed smashed and full of crappy Cuban resort food... I think this one is a no-brainer.

Viva Fidel!

Rick O'Shea said...

I think thoughts of a fascist communist regime crept into your head more than going to bed smashed a full of crappy Cuban resort food.

You are very fortunate that you didn't wake up nude in a ditch somewhere after having been sodomized by some Fidel disciples that with a fancy for an unsuspecting gringo.

PALGOLAK said...

Thank you anonymous, once again, for your words of cold wisdom.

But why can't our world view include the possibility of mind control or zombies? I bet it would make the day-to-day a lot more interesting.

As for rick o'shea, I think I have already made myself clear about my attitude, regarding the boorish ranting of Fenians.

The Commentator said...

Fidel loves tourists. He needs them to feed his stupid revolucion. Idiot. Pure idiot.

Anyway, I was introduced to the marvels of sleepwalking at a young age. My cousin (RIP) was 13 when he used to sleepwalk regularly. His brother and I (two years younger) were always asked to keep an eye on him whenever we used to sleep together.

One day in Florida he walked to the porch in a hotel staring down five stories or something. My cousin and I had to gently steer him away.

Wild stuff.

PALGOLAK said...

Thank you, Commentator, for introducing new things I should be paranoid about.

From now on, I plan to accept only rooms on the first couple of floors.

Ashok Kumar said...

The person who has stress,might suffering with sleeping problems.Sleep makes the mind and body fresh. The beginning for all the problems in the body is lack of sleep. If a person does not have proper sleep, then there is some problem with his mind or body. Sleep apnea is basically a condition that affects most people causing them to stop breathing for around 10-20 seconds as they sleep. The sleep apnea cannot be identified by the same person since it occurs during sleep. So if someone complaints about you for snoring, inform your partner or your family member who sleeps along with you to notice your sleeping condition during sleep. If you had sleep apnea, there are lots of medical procedures and devices to cure sleep apnea in a natural way.